It’s no secret that fraternity culture is popular in the south, and many of our readers consequently live there. What else is popular in the south? Iced tea. Not that it’s unpopular anywhere, really, but if you’re below the Mason-Dixon, you’re guzzling that shit daily. So was an unidentified 56-year-old man in Arkansas.
Last May, he went to the hospital experiencing nausea, weakness, fatigue and body aches. Doctors determined that his kidneys were severely clogged due to an excess of a the chemical oxalate. He’s now on what doctors think will be life long dialysis. Oxalate is found a handful of foods such as chocolate, spinach and, oh yeah, iced tea. But how much iced tea does it take to make your kidneys fail? Quite a bit, it turns out.
Our mystery man was drinking 16 cups of iced tea a day. 16 cups is equal to a gallon. Homeboy was drinking a gallon of only one beverage a day. A gallon! Your little Camelback water bottles you take to class are anywhere from 750mL to 1L. Think of drinking roughly four of those a day, but of straight iced tea.
The human body needs around 2 liters of water a day to stay hydrated, assuming no physical activity or caffeine intake dehydrates you. Caffeine is in tea. This guy already had diabetes and was fucking around with a gallon of dehydrating kidney-killing liquid a day. Being in the south makes me think he was also adding sugar to the concoction because, you know, diabetus.
Doctors came to the conclusion that the iced tea ruined his kidneys.
“It was the only reasonable explanation,” Dr. Umbar Ghaffar said. I love when my doctors give me that kind of assurance. “Hey doc, what’s this bump on my balls?” “Herpes. It’s the only reasonable explanation.” Yeah…bad example.
However, let this be a lesson to you SEC folks. Don’t drink a fuck ton of iced tea every damn day. Just stick to beer and whiskey and you won’t die of kidney failure. As for your liver, I can’t really help you there. .