Stuck Elevator Ruins Night For University of Tennessee Fraternity Partygoers

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Nice Move

From Knox News:

Cramming 25 people into a Plaza Tower elevator late Friday night proved not to be a good idea.

The group was headed up to Club LeConte on a top floor of the building for a fraternity party, according to a report from the Knoxville Fire Department.

The 5-foot-by-5-foot elevator became stuck somewhere between the lobby and the 18th floor of the 27-story structure.

Now, I’ve always been pretty good at math, so I know that 25 people stuck inside a five-by-five foot enclosed elevator means each person had about one square foot, on average, in which to operate. That, my friends, is not a comfortable elevator ride. They were packed in there like the Japanese pack in folks on subways — just straight stuffing them in like they’re not real people.

The corner spot of the elevator became exponentially more important on this ride from hell. Everyone knows the corner is the power position in the elevator — you’re not surrounded by people on all sides and you can lean against the wall if you need to. I always go for that spot, especially when it’s crowded. My standard maneuver is to head straight for the corner and face it — kinda like a kid sitting in timeout — to avoid being engaged in any unwanted, awkward conversation, because as everyone can attest to, elevators are just fucking awkward environments. My elevator mates usually think something is wrong with me, like I have a social disorder of some type, but joke’s on them. Talk amongst yourselves, weirdos. It’s like you’re forced to stand in this tiny, quiet room with people you don’t even fucking know. Where are you supposed to stare? Do you say anything? Do you let the others off first or bolt for it when the door opens?

So, as awful as this must have been when the ride got stuck, I’m sure they were quick to exit this thing as soon as help arrived. Right?

Captain D.J. Corcoran of the Knoxville Fire Department reported that the 25 occupants were not very cooperative in the attempt to offload them, which blows my mind, because unless that thing is filled with half-naked Victoria’s Secret models, getting out of there is the only objective.

Corcoran said […] the group, averaging in age around 20, was uncooperative with firefighters. The lack of cooperation delayed the rescue for more than an hour, Corcoran said. The Knoxville Police Department was called to control a second rowdy crowd that formed in the lobby.

Maybe a crazy 25-person elevator orgy broke out. I see no other reason to be uncooperative. You know, that might actually hold some validity, seeing as how everyone’s private parts were smashed up against each other inside this five-by-five sex box.

[via Knox News]

Image via See Middle Tennessee

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