I’m functionally retarded when it comes to proper text etiquette. How long do you wait before texting a girl whose number you got at the bar? How long do you wait to reply? What the fuck does this emoji mean?
This one girl thought I was pissed at her for the longest time because I responded to her texts with “K.” I’m not pissed. It’s just easier to type “K.” What do you want from me? An “Okay! :))”? That’s time-consuming as fuck.
It seems like I’m the only person in my entire generation who’s failed to pick up on these digital social cues. You know how autistic people have zero social capabilities because they can’t read other people’s emotions? That’s me texting. I’m textually autistic. People like me deserve a fucking puzzle-piece bumper sticker shaped like a phone, and everyone needs to slap one on their cars. For awareness.
Just when I thought I’ve semi caught up to speed with how the kids are texting, I get hit with another curveball. As it turns out, ending a text with a period is seen as insincere and mean.
From Alaska Dispatch News:
To test whether the period had become a social cue within the context of CMC, the researchers presented a small group (126 undergraduates – admittedly not representative of the entire global population, but at least fairly representative of the most prolific texters) with a series of exchanges framed as either text messages or handwritten notes.
The experimental messages featured an invitation followed by a brief reply. When that reply was followed by a period, subjects rated the response as less sincere than when no punctuation was used. The effect wasn’t present in handwritten notes.
According to Klin and her fellow researchers, that’s an indication that the text message period has taken on a life of its own. It is no longer just the correct way to end a sentence. It’s an act of psychological warfare against your friends. In follow-up research that hasn’t yet been published, they saw signs that exclamation points – once a rather uncouth punctuation mark – may make your messages seem more sincere than no punctuation at all.
But I’m sure everyone else knew that texting with periods makes you look like a douche. It’s just me and the socially isolated folks in Alaska, where there’s nothing but snow and polar bears for miles in every direction, who are completely clueless.
I give up. Can we just go back to calling each other?.
[Via Alaska Dispatch News]