Stuff Frat People Hate: “Fraternities”

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Now, you might read this headline and think “What the fuck, first this guy tells me what to like and hate all the time, and now he thinks I should hate myself?” Relax, you insecure son of a bitch. I’m not talking about good old fashioned, American, booze hounding fraternities. I’m speaking of the significantly less fun (and less important) groups out there, that conceal themselves behind Greek letters like wolves in geed clothing.

First and foremost, you have the seemingly endless supply of professional “fraternities,” specifically for business or pre-law or students of literally any other major. Now I know many of these organizations have a fairly significant history (Delta Sigma Pi started in 1907 for example), but they are so innumerably far from the definition of a fraternity that it’s almost laughable. In a recent completely fabricated study, only .001% of Americans thought of one of these professional groups when asked the definition of a fraternity. It’s about time you all called yourself what you really are: a fucking club. If the sight of your letters doesn’t bring thoughts of blackout nights to a sorority woman’s eye, then you aren’t in the same category as us. Enjoy your bi-monthly meetings (free donuts and coffee!) and your astounding dues of $15 a year.

Any form of co-ed “fraternity” clearly fits this bill also. I’m no sexist (ha), but I know that the word fraternity stems from the Latin fraternitatem, meaning “brotherhood (useful if any of you are ever on Jeopardy).” Fraternities were built to strengthen the bonds of men, and while through the years many things have changed, you simply can’t have the same bonds and unity in a mixed sex environment. Especially if any of the girls are attractive.

Finally, there are the IFC chartered houses…that actually lack a house. I’m sorry, but if your brotherhood consists of 15 rejects who deliver rush in the student union, you missed the point. The only acceptable excuse for not having an actual house is that it was recently lost as a punishment for a 14 keg, stripper populated, cocaine buffet party (if that’s the case, frat on sir). If you can’t swing a single social and your date functions are at Golden Corral, you might as well change those letters to “ΓΔΙ.”

You guys obviously get the point by now. Any club who considers a “social event” an ice cream mixer in an auditorium simply does not deserve to hold the title of fraternity that we cherish so deeply. I don’t give a quarter-fuck how old the group is, or how enshrined in history they may be; it is 2011, and today “fraternity” means a group of men who get their balls hazed off, then spend the next 7-16 semesters skirting the line between “socially acceptable” and “holy shit, that kid might die of liver poisoning.” Anyone else is just in denial.

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  1. DirtySouthern

    Yeahh. It just didn’t seem right when this chick told me she was in a choir fraternity. I thought she had a penis and sang opera while intoxicated. Which actually would be cooler than what they really do; just stand around in an empty room.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • findemfuckemforgetem

      Yeah this guy told me he was in Phi Mu Alpha and I was like “Oh where is yall’s house located?” He was like we don’t have a house. I was like oh so you’re a joke, I get it. Yeah turns out they have band fraternities and all kinds of stupid shit. I didn’t know about all of those at first. I just love when your sitting in class and you can hear them talking about their “fraternity” in class.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 9 months ago
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  2. BROwnOutOfProportion

    Actually, I think it would be unfair to call members of some of these organizations NF. Delta Sigma Pi actually has a house at UGA and, coed or not, they rage pretty hard. I joined Phi Alpha Delta senior year because they had access to useful resources for future law students, but it turned out to have plenty of other fraternity men and sorostitutes, both active an inactive. We all raged hard together, had socials and tailgates, etc. It didn’t compare to my social fraternity, of course, but I think it would be unfair to refer to members of these organizations GDIs.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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  3. 12_gates

    Farmhouse and FIJI are actual fraternities but they just cant have letters which is kinda gay but i still a little respect for them

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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  4. booze haze slam

    I thought he spoke the truth for the most part. I do expect better from older schools pre 1900. I am not saying fraternities after 1900 aren’t good I just don’t care for them.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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  5. BrotherOmicron

    I’m in Phi Mu Alpha and hate me all you want but I guarantee I have a stronger brotherhood than any of you in greek lettered fraternities. It isn’t about having a house or parties (we party harder anyway). Our bonds are much stronger than any of yours will ever be. Oh wow you haze, how does that form bonds again?

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • Cupid

      There’s something called constructional hazing. It teaches you how to become a Fraternity man. It helps you through embarrassment and teaches you to deal with challenges.

      Than there’s Hazing. You just haze the shit out of pledges to show authority and to teach them absolutely nothing but for your own self satisfaction.

      Both are needed.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • smart as fuck

      I’m pretty sure hes joking based on his last comment. Either way, Brother Omnicron please leave this site. Go back to your 4lokos and that piece of rabbit fur you rub on your dick every night. I’m sure the bonds are very strong between you two.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • BrotherOmicron

      Phi beta Kappa NF.
      Phi Mu Alpha FaF.

      We embody all these values and are better because we are talented at music. You IFC fraternities have no talent. Oh, you mean you can talk about the clothes you wear? Wow me too. Right now I am wearing:

      White Oakleys
      Hollister tee
      American Eagle cargos
      Nike SB Dunks (cost $70)

      To most of you that is probably FaF, but I will one-up you by telling you that I have a trophy vodka bottle collection in my apartment that is 5 feet long just 2 months into school.

      Basically, I dress well and can rage harder. Since those are the only qualities that make you FaF apparently I guess I am frat.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • BrotherOmicron

      So what? If we are gonna have a competition of how much things cost..

      I wear white oakleys (cost over a hundred)
      I love hollister and Aeropostale (both expensive mall brands)
      I ride my longboard to class (it cost $100)
      I drive a nissan sentra with an obama sticker on it ($9000)
      That vodka? Yeah, its Pinnacle whipped. (5 foot long row of bottles at $14 each. You do the math)

      I also went through pledgeship. I can name anybody in my pledge class’s highschool they went to (All 15). I just didn’t get hazed.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • Year Around Frat

      I figured it out he was joking quickly. Phi Mu Alpha is lame but they aren’t co-ed. Plus he said he joined pike first. He was either a troll or quite possibly the biggest geed in the world.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • Natural Light

      Brotheromicron, you are a legend man like you really put it in perspective for the rest of us. After reading your thought out, valid thoughts and responses, I too am going to pledge Phi Mu Alpha. I cannot wait to be your brother. Frat on sir just frat on.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • Bromigo

      Alright so way back at the top of this chain, that walking GDI piece of shit says that hazing doesn’t work. Hey BrotherOmicron, explain to me how hazing in the military works to form a brotherhood? I can tell you. I got my ass kicked every day for the entirety of Army Infantry Bootcamp. They make soldiers that will do whatever their brotherhood asks. Much like my life in the fraternity now, I know that brotherhood is essential. Hazing is a damn good way to do that. The most constructive hazing and building tool is what parents have done for centuries:verbally abusing them. I guarantee if you get the biggest guy in your house with the loudest voice, he will straighten out any bump in the road of pledge process. Have fun with your club.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • Ben Fratt Runkle

      I guess u can say that 15 friends are closer with each other than 100. Have fun raging with a handful of roommates and whacking it because girls don’t come to you.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • Southward As You Bro

      It’s different because your “fraternity” is based on a common interest in music. Chess clubs are based on a common interest in chess. A/V clubs on A/V… see where I’m going? PMA is a fucking club; real fraternities are based on brotherhood. Sig Ep doesn’t exactly have a good rep so you’re really not helping your case with that comparison there either. Hazing is the best strategy because it’s going through hardships with your pledge brothers that makes you grow closer to them. I give about zero fucks that you can study alone long enough to get a 4.0.

      and fourloko is for Geeds so get the fuck out.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • The Golden Fleece

      Congratulation sir, you’ve proven yourself unlike the rest of us. There is probably nothing more for you to gain here, seeing as you do not agree with us IFC sanctioned Fraternities.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • BrotherOmicron

      Reasons why I am frat:

      I rage
      I get so many girls
      I drink loko’s which is dangerous
      I am IN a frat (PhiMuAlpha)
      I am not a bitch (I didn’t get hazed)
      I am TFTC about your hate.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • The Golden Fleece

      Your multitude of posts does not make you TFTC.

      Seeing as the Fraternity system is an offshoot of Phi Beta Kappa, and survived through Kappa Alpha Society (the oldest Fraternity in continuing existence, which IS IFC sanctioned and by which most of us have been modeled after, my Fraternity included), IFC Fraternities are truly, actual Fraternities. We wrote the book, kid.

      Now as for hazing, it’s apart of pledgeship. You are pledging your loyalty to a group of people. It separates us from everyone else, weeds out the weak, and molds the strong into the indomitable.

      Everything you said makes you no different than any hipster, guido, or scenster that hangs out in a large group.

      Get off of this site. Your “fraternity” is null and void, as far as I and everyone else here is concerned.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • smart as fuck

      Brother Omicron would’ve been the one sent home after pissing himself the first night. The rest of his pledge class would form stronger bonds just by laughing at that useless fuck.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • BrotherOmicron

      You guys are all idiots. What makes it so much different? Sig Ep doesn’t haze, how are we any different? Because we share a common interest (music)? I actually pledged a local pi kappa alpha chapter at my school and dropped half way through because I saw firsthand how pointless hazing really is. I also deal with challenges too, try a 4.0 GPA bud. Not easy.

      Yes, just because we don’t have a chapter house doesn’t mean we rage. Until you have seen a jam packed hall full of 10′s going wild on 4loko you can’t talk. You present no arguments at all because you know I am right.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • BrotherOmicron

      You wimps have to drink watered down natty light because you are afraid to touch 4loko or Franzia. Just fucking give up already I am a frat god and you can’t handle being inferior to someone in a music frat. We also have brotherhood on top of our common interest, shit I can name all my pledge brother’s high schools.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • 613

      … If I wasn’t hazed I would have dropped because I would’ve thought the brothers were a bunch of pussies.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • BrotherOmicron

      You guys just don’t understand the concept of brotherhood at all. I am glad I am in a real fraternity, not an IFC fraternity. All you care about is what people wear and hating on people who aren’t in an IFC fraternity. Guess what? I can and do wear cargo shorts because I know that real brothers would never judge me on what I wear. I see you DKE’s, Pi Kapps, and Sigma Chi’s, and all I think is WOW it must suck to not be in a co-ed fraternity. I get more poon because I pledge with girls. Yeah, we share a bond, but its a special one ;-). I have been paddled, but in my case its been by a sexy girl in my fraternity. in bed.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • The Golden Fleece

      This will be my finally post because you’re obviously new to this whole thing and don’t belong to an actual Fraternity.

      Oakleys are NF.
      Hollister is NF.
      American Eagle is NF.
      I don’t even give a shit about your shoes.
      If you’re implying all these things cost $70, then congratulations, that’s my how much my shirt I’m wearing alone costs.

      Now while Phi Beta Kappa is today an academic society (but seeing as you’re an idiot, you probably didn’t know that and will never know anything about it) and is no longer the social fraternity it once was (if you had a pledgeship, they may have enlightened you the reasons why), it is still the forerunner to the Greek Fraternity system.

      As for your vodka collection, many of us have graveyards that are Decades old. Decades. We have rooms dedicated entirely to smashing bottles as well.

      In summation. You do not dress well (as douchey as it sounds, take my word for it). You do not rage harder than us. You do not belong to a Fraternity. You were not hazed. You did not go through pledgeship. You are in a club with no affiliation to IFC. You have no concept of the Fraternity system’s origins, nor do you care. You live in an apartment and pride yourself on vodka instead of whiskey. You brag about joining this club, after having previously joined Pike and then dropped, which as much as everyone here hates they would agree that Pike’s Fraternity>your club. You are not a Fraternity man, nor would you know anything of it (your “fraternity” [which means "brotherhood"] is co-ed).

      Now. Leave this site immediately.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • CrashIntoMe

      You get out what you put in. Suffer together, Prosper together. Pledgeship is a great system that takes advantage of indentured servants for a semester who reap the benefits for years to come. You don’t understand because you’re not actually in a fraternity.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • Junction

      I spent months getting the shit beaten out of me all the time along with my pledge class and all of the pledge classes before me. I confused your “fraternity” with a sorority and from the sounds of it I wasn’t too far off. Please stop posting bullshit like this because I guarantee you anyone who has had a real pledge ship will agree with me.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • The Golden Fleece

      Now I get it, you’re a troll and you’ve been kidding the entire time. How could any of us actually have taken you seriously? I mean, Hollister, American Eagle, cargos, music clubs, no hazing, and now nissans with Obama stickers and vodka bottles that only cost $14.

      Jesus how did we miss the fact you’ve been joking the entire time?You had me going there for a second, chief.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • Southward As You Bro

      Sorry Maestro but you can’t honestly ask us to believe that a bunch of guys that play music together rage hard. Phi Mu Alpha is a joke. You wouldn’t know shit about hazing either because you’ve never been through it. Going through hardships is how it forms bond you stupid fuck.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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    • BrotherOmicron

      I frat harder than you ever will. Just because I am not not in an IFC fraternity doesn’t mean I don’t live the lifestyle.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
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