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Stuff Frat People Like: College Football

 

While watching the NFL preseason this past week, I came to a wonderful revelation. Well two revelations really. First, the NFL is becoming less and less relevant, but second, and more importantly, college football is only a few short weeks away.

While the NFL can be entertaining at times, absolutely nothing can top the ferocity and dedication of the faithful behind a college football team. Nothing can match the emotions laid out on the field, and the vulgarity of the insults thrown to opposing fans. And as far as on field controversies go, look no further than the haze session University of Miami is preparing for as we speak. All in all, college football reigns supreme.

If you go to a football powerhouse school, you know exactly what I’m talking about. The very aroma of a game day on campus can be intoxicating, the four mint juleps by mid-morning only amplify that fact. Nothing tops a day of pledge-grilled cheeseburgers (“You call this medium-rare mother fucker?!”), cheap beer, and dolled up, always gorgeous, sundress-adorned slams at the fraternity house. It’s just a Saturday tradition.

Come game time, the house creates a herd of intoxicated stumblers that make their way to the tenacious battle ahead. Hordes of our greek peers walk beside us along the way, yelling whatever go-to chant their inebriated minds can muster. We might even share a chant with a GDI. We’re all allies today (even though we by far outclass those bastards).

Sneaking in liquor can be an excellent amplification of your game time enjoyment, and hundreds if not thousands of products exist just for such a cause. Inner thigh plastic flask taping may sound like a little much, but as long as the whiskey inside survives, you’ll find that it’s worth it.

In the weeks to come we are going to be able to wake up on Saturdays, and see a cracked out Corso don a presumably foul smelling mascot head every morning. Our hungover morning daze will quickly give way to a mid-afternoon buzz. We will gather in our stadiums with thousands of our closest peers, and collectively blaspheme our opponents’ names until each play is shrouded by the same earth-rattling roar. God Bless college football season.

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StuffFratPeopleLike

StuffFratPeopleLike (@StuffFratsLike) is a writer for Total Frat Move, and due to his crippling OCD and functional alcoholism he can only understand and write text when presented in a numbered list format. So you're all jerks for calling him out on it. He is a self described Huguenot, and commands a secret sexual fetish for angry internet comments.

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