Stuff Frat People Like: Late Nights

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We’ve all been there. After a hefty grain-alcohol supplemented pregame and an intoxicated saunter to the bars, you find that your venue of choice is overpopulated by the independent masses. No one really knows what causes GDIs to congregate like this (some say it’s even written into their very DNA). Regardless, you now find yourself jammed between a balding overweight kid in skinny jeans and a roided out meathead in a DJ Pauly D shirt.

While one could endure the ever expanding lines and irrevocably high douche level in this situation, I prefer a different route. Any night the bars get overwhelmed, I go straight into late night mode.

Late nights, in essence, are no-holds-barred ragers beginning between the post-bar crawl hours of 1:00AM until the sun rises. By supplying ample provisions (read: kegs and bottles) to the already substantially debilitated crowd, one can ensure that your ability to black out will not be faltered by petty things like bar closing times or need for sleep.

Late nights are always renowned for the ridiculous stories they produce. When an entire fraternity house doesn’t have to stop drinking until 5:30AM, to put it simply some strange shit tends to go down. It’s not uncommon to wake up in a daze the next day with newly acquired street signs or rival fraternity composites mysteriously present in your room. Bruises/general wounds are also a fairly common event, possibly paired with a black eye or two. Casualties of the night.

One major thing to take heed of in your late night expeditions is the truly crippling effect of beer goggles in the post 4AM world. By extending your drinking longer than a typical bar night, don’t be surprised if the look-a-like you laid down with becomes an Ellen Degeneres by morning. It might not be a bad idea to get a second or third opinion on your potential slam before you pull the proverbial trigger.

However your own late night experience turns out, there are a few constants. Firstly, you will blur the lines of what level of drunkenness is socially acceptable. Then, you will shatter through that barrier with the force of a castrated bull. The final, and most unfortunate, constant is the way you will feel the next morning. I hope you don’t have any class or commitments to attend to, because there is a 0.025% chance of you successfully making them. A necessary sacrifice.

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StuffFratPeopleLike

StuffFratPeopleLike (@StuffFratsLike) is a writer for Total Frat Move, and due to his crippling OCD and functional alcoholism he can only understand and write text when presented in a numbered list format. So you're all jerks for calling him out on it. He is a self described Huguenot, and commands a secret sexual fetish for angry internet comments. All shameless praise can be directed to: joe@grandex.co

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  1. 0
    Frattie Smalls

    Why in the world would you steal other fraternities’ composites? I would much rather have a frame filled with 100+ sorority slams in my room than a bunch of guys.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
  2. 0
    Southern Bred

    Nothing sayes late night like waking up after noon with all the sorority letters in the house. Good column that somehow jogs the memory, but it did seemed rather bland.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago