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SUNY Canton Fraternity Hazing Worse Than Previously Thought, Hot Sauce And Testicles Involved

As a member of the esteemed, Poolitzer Prize-winning TFM News Team (the award given by me to the news outlet with the most successful poop jokes), it’s my job to keep you guys informed. Two months ago, I brought you this article about Zeta Alpha Phi at SUNY Canton hazing their pledges by means of branding them with a coat hanger. I’m here today to tell you that the information therein turned out to be false. Apparently, the pledges were not the ones branded. Rather, “the father of one fraternity member allegedly branded brothers with (a) metal clothes hanger,” which to me is way, way weirder.

Far from exonerating ZAP (or as I like to call them, the ZAPpers), the truth actually damns them further. These guys are real sickos.

According to the Watertown Daily Times, pledges were allegedly forced to rub hot sauce on their crotches; to put a mixture of chewing tobacco, hot sauce and onions in their mouths; to spit raw egg between each other’s mouths; struck with a paddle on their rear ends… One pledge said he was told to grab feces out of the toilet and that “if I was a true brother, I would eat it.” The pledge did not eat it.

Of course the pledge’s refusal to eat the brother’s brownie log does make him a bad pledge. That’s just clear as day. There is sometimes an overlap between being a bad pledge and a sane human, however.

If it’s not clear already, these guys were doing it wrong. I say “were” because these goobers are no longer recognized as a fraternity by SUNY Canton.

If you don’t hate these guys enough already, just look at their house above.

What a sty. Good riddance.

[via Huffington Post]

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a writer and content manager for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin. He has been called the "Patron Saint of Butt Stuff" despite never having engaged in sexual activity of any nature until he turned 21, which he is still convinced is the minimum age at which you can legally have sex.

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