Syracuse University Created A Barbecue That Cooks With MOLTEN FUCKING LAVA

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Nice Move

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Tailgating season is right around the corner, and with that comes a plethora of legendary stories, such as the one about the Florida sorostitute who shit herself at the 2009 National Championship game. While every Greek has heard about that incident, what you may not know was that Poopgate was entirely my cousin Franklin’s fault. Cousin Franklin was manning the grill while heavily intoxicated–my cousin Franklin is always heavily intoxicated–and he offered some burgers that I can only imagine were still mooing. Unbeknownst to the AOPi, she consumed the half-cooked meat and was then seen uncontrollably shitting in the parking lot 20 minutes later.

If only Cousin Franklin had known about Syracuse University’s new grill. This tailgating fiasco could have been avoided and the poor girl wouldn’t have had to change her name. But why is this barbecue different than your standard Coleman, you may ask? Because it cooks food with molten lava. Let me say that again. MOLTEN. FUCKING. LAVA.

My first thought was, “Wow, look at that fucker go!”

My second thought? Pledge project.

From The Daily Mail:

Professor Robert Wysocki and his team at Syracuse University in upstate New York have customized a 3 million BTU bronze furnace bought used in Canada for $2500. To create lava, they start with Dresser Trap Rock and use the furnace, described as ‘like a crock pot’ to melt it. It takes about 60 hours to melt and degas approx. 800lbs of lava, which creates a flow lasting 7-9 minutes. The team has done 100 lava pours so far, for artistic and scientific purposes, but had never actually used the lava’s 2,700°F heat to cook before [until now].

2,700 degrees and 800 pounds of lava? That is some man shit right there. Caveman shit. I’m just imagining myself belligerently drunk from a large quantity of Bud heavies while doing the Tim Allen grunt as my eyes light up from burning everything to ash over some scalding magma.

Just look at that fucking thing again. If this doesn’t pump you up for tailgating season, nothing will.

Oh, and pledges? Hope you enjoy the basement, because you’re not seeing the light of day until this is done. But don’t worry about eating–my cousin Franklin is more than happy to supply the food.

[via The Daily Mail]

Jordan is a writer living in a small yet overpriced apartment in NYC. He can always be found in his favorite pair of topsiders, even though he doesn't own a yacht (yet). He may not always be right, but he's never wrong and he also knows that finishing an entire book doesn't prove anything. He could eat cereal for every meal, but doesn't...because you know...carbs. For angry tweets about the state of IU basketball follow him @jordangersh

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