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Your Taxpayer Money Went Toward Funding This Ludicrous Fraternity/Sorority Study

fraternity taxpayer alcohol study

I generally don’t care what my taxes go toward. I’m losing that money either way, so it’s pretty inconsequential to me whether it be spent on fixing potholes, bushes for outside the federal building in Pekin, Illinois, or cigars for ex-president Clinton’s non-smoking female interns. All I can do is sit back and trust that the elected officials in charge of dishing out the money I make from writing dick jokes and posting disgusting Tinder pickup lines do their job admirably — something I no longer practice after reading about this.

From The Daily Wire:

The National Institutes of Health issued a $5 million grant to Brown University to study fraternities and sororities and came to the shocking conclusion that fraternities and sororities consume more alcohol than other college students and people who attend fraternity and sorority parties are more likely to drink alcohol than at other events. The studies did not bother looking into ways to reduce alcohol consumption among college students.

I could’ve saved the U.S. government $4,999,985 if they had only traded me a handle of pineapple Burnett’s for this very same knowledge that I’ve known to be true ever since I stepped foot on campus 5.5 years ago. To think that some suit in D.C. signed off on a study whose results are so absurdly obvious is almost beyond comprehension. Where’s my $15 million for my three latest studies-in-waiting: “How many states are there in the United States?,” “How many inches are in a foot?,” and “Which came first: the chicken or the chicken’s son?”

TL;DR — The government spent $5 million of taxpayer money to make fraternities and sororities look cool. Talk about a backfired plan.

[via The Daily Wire]

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a writer and content manager for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin. He has been called the "Patron Saint of Butt Stuff" despite never having engaged in sexual activity of any nature until he turned 21, which he is still convinced is the minimum age at which you can legally have sex.

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