TCU’s SAE Chapter Plays Catch With A Dead Opossum, Leaves It On Rival Fraternity’s Doorstep

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Can rabies be sexually transmitted? After all, it is passed on through fluids, specifically saliva, so one would think that kissing could technically transmit the virus. That’s probably why rabies earned the nickname “Appalachian Mono,” from me, just now.

Regardless, that is the question that any girls shacking at TCU’s SAE house should be asking, because after several members decided to play a game of catch with a rotting opossum corpse my guess is that at least a few of them came down with it.

“A fraternity member found a dead opossum behind a fraternity house and he threw it, another guy picked it up and then he threw it, and then at some point through all of the throwing around [the opossum] started leaking blood…”

Fortunately all the SAEs did was throw the dead opossum around. Earlier reports claimed that the members had trapped and tortured the animal before ultimately tossing it about as if it were a homemade Arkansas football. You see, in Arkansas they use every part of the opossum. The innards are for stew, the skin for footballs, and the bones for jewelry. The tail, meanwhile, is medicine.

But in Fort Worth the residents are not as economical with their dead opossums. After the opossum became too leaky (with blood) to continue being thrown, the SAE’s decided they should instead leave it on the doorstep of their neighboring fraternity, Delta Tau Delta.

…members of a fraternity [SAE] left a bloody opossum carcass outside the door of another fraternity [DTD] house Friday night…

It appears that the Delts were none too happy with the situation and decided to call it in, and embellish a few details while they were at it. The original source of the animal cruelty accusations was in fact a member of Delt.

The SAEs have flatly denied the allegations.

[SAE President Buddy] Carruth wrote in an email, “My answer for you is no we do not have a statement to give regarding the incident. Why would we? Nothing happened.”

He wrote that TCU 360 was “blowing the situation out of proportion” and that the brawl mentioned in some tweets never happened.

So the original story involved two rival factions fighting it out over a dead opossum? Sounds less like a fraternity brawl and more like post-apocalyptic tribal warfare in a famine ravaged Southeastern United States. Don’t agree?

Several people tweeted and posted on Facebook on Saturday that some SAE members smeared blood on their faces and threw a dead opossum at the door of the Delt fraternity house.

How about now?

Of course the allegations aren’t true, but the details are incredibly fun to visualize.

Regardless of what actually happened, TCU’s Greek Life office has intervened to make sure the situation doesn’t get any worse.

…Fraternity and Sorority Life coordinator Molly Devine and FSL director Brooke Scogin have been meeting with both Delt and SAE chapter presidents to “ensure that the two organizations involved in this incident are learning how to deal with their differences in a civil way.”

___

Greek Life: Okay, now what did we learn today guys? Can anyone recap?

Frat Guy 1: That, uh, if we’re pissed off at the other house we should find non-violent, non-dead animal related solutions?

Greek Life: Yes, very good, and what else?

Frat Guy 2: That not only is claiming that you put the dead animal on their doorstep as a gift an outrageously unbelievable excuse, but even if you did leave it there as a gift, marsupials, rodents, and other manner of small woodland creatures are not healthy to eat. Furthermore, if it was being presented as a decorative gift, it is rude to make the gift recipient order and pay for the taxidermy procedure themselves.

Greek Life: Very good. And just in case you guys can’t remember all of this I’ll be emailing the power point presentation to both of your chapter secretaries.

___

Oh Greek Life offices, you have a pointless presentation for everything.

Quickly back to the post-apocalyptic opossum war bit, if anyone ever does find themselves fighting to the death over the prospect of opossum stew, lay down your weapons and come to Missour-uh instead, where the opossum be plentiful and the trappin’ be good.

[Source]

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Bacon

Bacon is Director of Video Content and a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. His fake best-selling novel series, The Frat Romance Novel, has been self-described as a "pioneering achievement in satirical erotica." Bacon is originally from St. Louis, and currently lives in Austin, Texas. He still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living, and is prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co

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  1. 3
    Tallapoosa Snu

    I… heard of… a fraternity that ALLEDGEDLY had pledges scrape up armadillos from the side of the road, sneak into a douchebag fraternity’s house at 4 A.M., and hide them under couch cushions, in A/C vents, behind the fridge, etc… fuckin hilarious. That’s what you get you pieces of shit! …Is what I would have said had I or anyone I knew been involved in that heinous act.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  2. 1
    AllyBee

    Actually they didn’t just find a dead opossum, they found a live one, blinded it by stabbing it’s eyes out with a knife, and then beat it to death with a hammer and a 2×4. But hey torturing and killing animals is ONLY the first step to being a serial killer/sociopath right?

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  3. 0
    First in Frat

    Anyone else notice that, in the picture, the two houses share a common main building? Gay as Fuck. Leaving a dead possum on someone’s doorstep is much less effective if it’s the same goddamn building.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago

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