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Texas Fraternity Accused of Putting on Live “Sex Shows” for Rush

Sex shows, huh? What are we talking about here? A very handsy public lap dance? Some pre-paid girl-girl? A donkey show!?!?! Please let it be a donkey show. This all could have been avoided if those stupid Mexican drug cartels hadn’t made crossing the border so scary. There’s a time and a place for a donkey to get its dick sucked by a hooker. That place is Tijuana, and that time is any time. (*gives a knowing wink and finger point*)

Members of a University of Texas fraternity engaged in hazing and used “professional exotic dancers performing live sex acts for recruitment purposes,” according to a lawsuit filed last week in state District Court in Travis County.

The national administrative office of the Kappa Alpha Order filed the lawsuit against its former local chapter, which broke ties with the national organization after it was suspended in June and is now known as Texas Omicron.

So it was girl-girl? Or did the rushes get some H and B jay action? I’ve got my fingers crossed that they were rushing a donkey, but that seems like a pipe dream at this point. I have to assume that if this language is literal then it was one of the first two options, because I can’t see how watching an active get a handy from a stripper would entice anyone to sign a bid card.

“Look how good his dick’s gettin’ rubbed bro! You sign this house and that’s YOUR DICK!” (*aggressively points at his brother’s dick*)

I want my handjobs up front, thank you.

A spokesman for the local chapter and its alumni acknowledged that adult entertainers were at the fraternity’s house but said that the hazing allegations were not backed by any evidence. The spokesman, local lawyer and alumnus Robby Alden, said that alumni members have admonished the students for sponsoring adult entertainment and that those students have agreed not to sponsor such shows again.

I’m not exactly sure what was going on at this rush event, but I’ve heard stories like this before about other houses. Oh no! Strippers! There are fraternities that technically ban strippers from fraternity property and official fraternity events as a part of their bylaws, but I’m not so sure that the nationally unaffiliated Texas Omicron chapter is one. They definitely could be, but nationally unaffiliated chapters, especially ones that chose to disaffiliate instead of accept probation for hazing that their nationals wanted to impose, tend to have looser rules than their nationally affiliated counterparts.

Also, “sex show” and “sex acts” seem like purposefully vague labeling so as to let the minds of readers, and more importantly anyone involved with making a ruling on the lawsuit, run wild. A lap dance is technically a sex act to people over 50. To people over 70 its something that you’re only allowed to do with your wife, after dark, and in a foreign/non-Christian country, and even then only if its to conceive. Basically that language is just attacking the character of the chapter, because since KA doesn’t own the house and the chapter isn’t affiliated with them those guys can have as many strippers scissoring to Whitesnake’s greatest hits as they want. Regardless, it worked. I mean, look at me! My mind didn’t go to your standard naked, only three-fourths enthusiastic, dead look in the eyes lap dance when I heard “sex show,” instead my mind went to someone chugging ass cock.

(Ed. Note: I just scoured YouTube for a great deleted scene from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back in which Will Ferrell is jacking off to human on donkey porn while moaning, “chug that ass cock baby.” Unfortunately it wasn’t on YouTube, and the world is worse off for it. If you own the DVD, go watch that deleted scene immediately.)

Maybe these “sex shows” were more than lap dances and few extra-curricular activities, but until that’s proven (and it won’t be), I have no reason to believe it wasn’t your standard fraternity stripper show, which at UT is basically just a room full of Keystone Light and career lows in adult entertainment.

It will be interesting to see how the lawsuit between KA and Texas Omicron shakes out though. The Omicron house is a valuable piece of property, that KA doesn’t own, and a fraternity as strong nationally as KA will do just about anything to be on a campus like the University of Texas. We’ll see what happens.

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