Real TFM User Comments Inserted Into Casual, Everyday Conversation

Email this to a friend

Nice Move

Most of us can agree one of the greatest qualities of your TFM experience is the community involvement. We can also agree it’s comprised of some of the sickest sons of bitches around, funny, but sick. The comments on this site are equal parts hilarious and disturbing. The guise of internet anonymity makes sites such as this one a consequence free, no-holds-barred, sea of anarchy. So, I’ve taken it upon myself to put some of your commentary antics into perspective, real life type perspective, to reveal just how insane some of it is when used in regular, everyday conversation.

If you were born with, or have ever developed any semblance of a conscience, you may find the results to be terrifying.

Scene 1: Group of friends discuss the retirement of Andy Roddick over lunch.

“Did you guys hear Andy Roddick is retiring from tennis?”

“Yeah I did, and it’s a shame. He’s always been a guy with so much potential, you know with that huge serve of his. He’s such an athlete, more athlete than tennis player, though.”

“I agree. What did he win, just one grand slam tournament?”

“Yeah, I believe so. And I could be wrong, but I think he still holds the world record for the fastest serve.”

“Solid career, really. He’s been the best American for years. But hey, at least he gets to spend more time with that beautiful, supermodel wife of his. Lucky man.”

“Oh man, she is gorgeous. Not a terrible actress, either. She was good in that Adam Sandler flick, you know, the one at the beach.”

“Jesus, man.”

“I’m not calling you that.”

“Speaking of Decker, whose beefers do you like better…hers or Kate Upton’s?”

“Both sets are natural, ya know.”

“Upton, for sure…

“Uh, okay…”

“What? You don’t want to get up on those things?”

“I mean they’re phenomenal, but that’s just creepy.”

“I totally agree, man. Upton just has that highly coveted ‘girl next door’ appeal. She’s such a beautiful girl.”

“I concur.”

“Man, what the fuck are you talking about? Urine?! Communism? We’re just having a nice lunch here.”

………………….

Scene 2: Fall rush event, rush chair is engaging three seemingly quality rushees.

“I can confidently say we’re the top house on campus. We won the flag football intramural championship last year, our second in a row. We also throw the best parties on campus, our annual Christmas formal is one of the biggest parties at the school all year.”

“This is a great house you guys have here.”

“Appreciate it. It was built in the ’20s, and we believe it used to be a plantation home.”

“You live here?”

“I do, along with about 25 other brothers.”

“Nice. What about your chapter studies? I need to maintain a 3.5 in order to keep my scholarship. Do you guys place a lot of importance on grades?”

“Of course we do, we…(is interrupted)

“What’s your name again, pal?”

“Stuart, chief.”

“Well Stuart, that’s quite a story. Who invited you here?”

“Whoa! You see that girl that just walked by? She belong to any of you guys? The things I would do…”

“Please don’t talk about her like that.”

“Actually, she’s dating our chapter president. And you have officially crossed the line.”

“Lucky man. Can you imagine gettin’ with that?”

“Okay, enough.”

“Stuart, kindly leave.”

………………….

Scene 3: Two guys are walking to class and catching up.

“Hey man, I saw the wildest TV show last night about this two-hea….”

“The two-headed chick, right?!”

“Yeah, how crazy is that shit?”

“I think they share all body parts and organs, expect for just the head and heart. Haha, one vagina!!!”

“Who could love them?”

“Right? But could you imagine hooking up with them? It’d be wild.”

“I’d do it for the story.”

“Liar.”

“Okay, maybe not.”

“Agreed, no one would dare venture into that mess. They likely have to find pleasure elsewhere.”

“For sure.”

“Wait, what? Who thinks of stuff like that?”

“Shit, man…how can you not be curious about that?”

“I’m not a sick fuck like you, I suppose.”

“Whatever…I wonder if they’re cheerleaders. Do you know?”

“Uh, no. Why do you ask?”

“Twizzler clit? What is wrong with you?”

“I’m walking this way, man. See you never.”

………………….

Scene 4: Conference room brainstorm meeting to discuss marketing strategies.

“Okay everyone, we’re still lagging behind in our 18 to 30 demographic. I’d like to open the floor to discuss any ideas or strategies to target this group.”

“Speak up. We’re leaving so much opportunity out there.”

“Sir…”

“Yes, intern. Go ahead and share what it is you have to say.”

“Well, there’s this music festival in two months. That place should be littered with mid-twenties folks, young business professional types. We should be there handing out flyers and spreading the word, you know, getting our name out there.”

“Please. I take sole responsibility for my shortcomings.”

“Please don’t.”

“Okay fine, just stop talking.”

“Yes, sir. I just thought I’d share my idea since you used my last one.”

“We did?”

“Yes, sir. Remember my idea a couple weeks ago? You liked it, and it worked.”

“…Okay.”

***


Email this to a friend

Nice Move

Roger_Dorn

Roger Dorn (@RogerJDorn) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. He's a native Texan with a full head of hair and knows his way around a nice box of red wine. Dorn graduated (BBA) with a GPA sitting in the meaty part of the bell curve, not lagging behind, but not trying to show off, either. Golf is his game now. He's long off the tee but can't putt for shit. Email: dillon@grandex.co

More From Roger_Dorn »

Trending Now

Comments

You must be logged in to comment. Log in or create an account.

  1. 1
    rageking

    Had to stop reading this in class because I was laughing too much. The first conversation was great though. Will continue later.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  2. 1
    James T Fratbury

    After reading this column, all the comments make me laugh because i keep thinking, “what if i said that sort of shit to a rushee?…”

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago

Load More

1 2 3