The 50 Best Late Night College Restaurants

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Complex City Guide compiled a list of the 50 best places you sick bastards like to eat after you’ve blacked out, but before you have regrettable/awesome, but still probably at least a little bit regrettable sex. Without further ado…

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50. Haven Brothers
City: Providence
School: Brown, Rhode Island School of Design

49. Fleetwood Diner
City: Ann Arbor, MI
School: University of Michigan

48. Bear’s Place
City: Bloomington, ID (sic)
School: Indiana University

47. California Chicken Grill
City: Gainesville, FL
School: University of Florida

46. Mark’s Texas Hots
City: Rochester, NY
School: University of Rochester

45. Fat Slice
City: Berkeley,CA
School: University of California

44. Gus’s Good Times Deli
City: Knoxville, TN
School: University of Tennessee

43. Time-Out Restaurant
City: Chapel Hill, NC
School: University of North Carolina

42. Geovanti’s
City: Champaign, IL
School: University of Illinois

41. T. Anthony Pizzeria & Restaurant
City: Boston
School: Boston University

40. Jimmy John’s Gourmet Sandwiches*
City: Milwaukee, WI
School: Marquette University

*Ed. Note: Are you fucking kidding me Marquette? You’re in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. That’s the land of fucking cheese and beer! You don’t have a better late night eating choice than Jimmy John’s!?! This doesn’t count. Just because you boners at Marquette all picked Jimmy John’s as your favorite late night eatery doesn’t mean it should be included. If that were the case Taco Bell would be on here forty times, and the other ten would be Whataburger.

39. Bova’s Market & Grill
City: Boulder
School: University of Colorado, Boulder

38. Pizza Mart
City: Washington, DC
School: Georgetown, George Washington, Howard University

37. The Weiner’s Circle
City: Chicago
School: University of Chicago

36. Top Dog
City: Berkeley, CA
School: University of California, Berkeley

35. Ian’s Pizza by the Slice
City: Madison, WI
School: University of Wisconsin

34. The Diner
City: Washington, DC
School: Gerogetown, George Washington, Howard University

33. Los Betos
City: Tucson
School: University of Arizona

32. Triple XXX Family Restaurant
City: West Lafayette, IN
School: Purdue College

31. Filiberto’s
City: San Diego
School: University of San Diego

30. Memo’s Mexican Food
City: Seattle
School: University of Washington

29. Enzo’s Pizza
City: Los Angeles
School: University of California, Los Angeles

28. Ted’s Restaurant and Bar
City: Storrs Mansfield, CT
School: University of Connecticut

27. Fat Heads
City: Pittsburgh
School: University of Pittsburgh

26. Baja’s Tex Mex
City: Providence
School: Brown, Rhode Island School of Design

25. White Spot
City: Charlottesville, VA
School: University of Virginia

24. The Boot
City: New Orleans
School: Tulane University

23. Guthrie’s
City: Tallahassee, FL
School: Florida State University

22. Pino’s Pizza
City: Brighton, MA
School: Boston College

21. JV’s Mexican Food
City: San Diego
School: University of San Diego

20. Jerry’s Famous Deli
City: Miami
School: University of Miami

19. The Pizza House
City: Ann Arbor, MI
School: University of Michigan

18. Cosmic Cantina
City: Chapel Hill, NC
School: University of North Carolina

17. College Town Pizza
City: Ithaca, NY
School: Cornell University

16. Are U Hungry?
City: State College, PA
School: Penn State

15. Kerbey Lane Cafe*
City: Austin
School: University of Texas

*Ed. Note: Oh that queso, that glorious, glorious queso. It’s as if it was lactated from some Aztec fertility goddess. That sounds appetizing, right?

14. Mamoun’s
City: New York
School: New York University

13. El Rancho*
City: Columbia, MO
School: University of Missouri

*Ed. Note: Every restaurant had a short blurb written about it, this was the one for El Rancho.

If you can put up with the obnoxious frat bros at 3 a.m. competing in the who-can-be-the-biggest-douche-to-the-cashier contest, then you’re in for a real Americanized Mexican treat! The burritos are the size of your head, and the steak fajita nachos are good enough to eat sober.

Obnoxious frat bros at 3 a.m.? It’s 3 a.m.! EVERYONE at El Rancho is obnoxious. They’ve been drinking all night. Or am I to understand that the writer of this article could pass for polite society after twelve beers and two shots of Rumplemintz? Granted, most of the people at El Rancho are probably Greeks, but that’s just because we happen to be downtown more than our GDI counterparts. And we aren’t being a douche to the cashier, it’s just that the language barrier is that much harder to hurdle when you’re too drunk to speak English with another native speaker, let alone a Mexican. And no, nothing at El Rancho should be eaten sober. Have you ever had diarrhea, yet felt constipated? Because that’s what sober El Rancho does to you.

Also, El Rancho’s queso is lactated from the same Aztec goddess as Kerbey Lane’s.

12. Hoagie Haven
City: Princeton, NJ
School: Princeton University

11. BTB Burrito
City: Ann Arbor, MI
School: University of Michigan

10. Diddy Riese
City: Los Angeles
School: University of California, Los Angeles

9. Jin’s Chicken & Fish
City: Madison, WI
School: University of Wisconsin

8. Woodstock’s Pizza
City: Davis, CA
School: UC-Davis

7. Osman & Joe’s Steak ‘n Egg Kitchen
City: Washington, D.C.
School: American University

6. Camellia Grill
City: New Orleans
School: Loyola, Tulane

5. Wings Over Storrs
City: Storrs Mansfield, CT
School: University of Connecticut

4. R U Hungry? Grease Truck
City: New Brunswick, NJ
School: Rutgers University

3. The Original Hot Dog Shop
City: Pittsburgh
School: University of Pittsburgh, Carnegie Mellon

2. Kountry Kart Deli
City: Burlington, VT
School: University of Vermont

1. Pat’s King of Steaks
City: Philadelphia
School: University of Pennsylvania

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And there you have it, the completely, 100% disputable list of the best late night college town eats. Fucking Jimmy John’s? Seriously? And where’s Gumby’s Pizza? Pokey Stix FOR DAYS. This list is stupid.

[via Complex]

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