Kim Jong-un gets a bad rap for his ruthless dictating, infatuation with nuclear weaponry, and his lavish lifestyle amid an eroding society–but also because he’s a pudgy little fucker with a ridiculous haircut. Get a load of those white walls, man. Admittedly, much of his poor reputation is justified. He’s truly an awful, psychotic man who so happens to run an entire country exactly as he sees fit. He literally gets to make any call he wants. His people have to abide, or they will be fed to starving dogs or their peckers will be cut off or some shit.
The man’s insane, but he’s very powerful. And with great power comes great responsibility–and sometimes a fuck ton of fun. Doing what any honorable man with all this power and a badass haircut would do, Kim Jong-un has decided that every male student in North Korea will get their hair cut exactly like his. He calls it the “dear leader haircut.”
Radio Free Asia reported that about two weeks ago male students are only allowed to have the ‘dear leader haircut’.
“Our leader’s haircut is very particular, if you will,” one source told Radio Free Asia. “It doesn’t always go with everyone since everyone has different face and head shapes.”
Meanwhile, the report says that the look, an undercut with floppy curtains that has the semblance of a 1990s boyband hairstyle, is actually unpopular in North Korea because people think it resembles Chinese smugglers.
Yeah, well those people are stupid. That’s a bomb ass haircut if I’ve ever seen one, and I’ve seen a few bomb ass haircuts. If you were looking for a reason to like the North Korean leader, look no further.
This got me thinking, though: if I was in charge of an entire country, and every citizen had to do exactly as I instructed without any pushback, I’d have so much fun with it. Everyone would wear rope hats and grow out their wings. “What’s up, nerd?” would be the mandatory greeting for everyone except me. I’d have “Pogo Stick Week,” where everyone had to use pogo sticks as their only mode of transportation. Everyone would have to carry around JIF Extra Crunchy at all times because I love that shit. I want to be able to walk up to my terrified citizens, yank them off their pogo sticks, and order them to set me up with some Extra Crunchy–or else or I’d kill them. I’d just do a bunch of fun stuff like that to keep up morale.
Image via Reuters