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The “Dick Switch” Is The Horrifying Future Of Male Contraception

Screen Shot 2016-01-07 at 5.35.30 PM copy

I came across a video that is the visual equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. Brace yourselves.

Women around the world are pissed off that they have to take birth control or get one of those plastic rings stuffed inside their gut lockers to prevent a fuck trophy (infant human), while all a man has to do is wipe off her back with a pair of boxers. Now, there’s a terrifying brave new world for the future of male contraception, which was undoubtedly thought up by female scientists who are salty about the double standard.

Meet the “Dick Switch.” It’s a small light switch grafted to the inside of your scrote that allows you to start and stop the flow of sperm with a simple flick. Straight nightmare fuel.

This Implant Could Revolutionize Contraception By Stopping The…

This "dick switch" can turn your sperm off and on

Posted by NowThis on Thursday, January 7, 2016

So it wasn’t created by a woman after all. It was some sick German dude who used to make a living as a carpenter. Hope doc makes one extra-strength — my chilito blasts like a geyser.

Really thought we would’ve evolved past switches at this point, too. Give me a good ol’ clapper any day.

I guess the downside would be counting your thrusts so you nut on an even number and don’t get her pregnant.

I’m all about an invention that would allow me to nut in a girl without the risk of sprouting a fetus. But not like this. God in heaven, not like this.

Image via Giphy

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Alex Buscemi

AKA Boosh. Former high school back-up wide receiver. Author of two pretty successful Reddit comments. Recent grad from the University of South Carolina.

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