The Diary Of A Father Whose Daughter Is Studying Abroad In Europe

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Nice Move

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Thursday, June 19

Dear Diary,

It’s been a fairly mild summer so far. It’s still hot, but I’ll take low 90s all day over last summer. It was brutal! It’s been nice and sunny lately, too. Lord knows my beautiful daughter Sarah has taken advantage of the nice weather. I think she’s been in a bathing suit every day since returning home from school. If only she could get a summer job!

Oh well, it’s no big deal. She leaves for Europe in a couple days so she really didn’t have enough time to land a job. These study abroad programs are so great, though. Learning a new culture while taking classes will be so beneficial for my Sarah. She’ll learn so much. I’m pretty jealous. Not to mention, she’ll be there during the World Cup. What an experience! Those Europeans are crazy for their soccer.

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I can’t wait to follow my Sarah’s journey through Europe on Twitter.

Saturday, June 21

Dear Diary,

Sarah lands in London in a couple hours and her old man is a nervous wreck. I just pray she arrives safely. That’s my baby girl flying over the Atlantic. If anything happened to her, I’d be devastated. Of course, once she finally does land safely, I’ll have so many other things to worry about. She’ll be so far away and traveling through countries she knows very little about. It’s not like I can drive to pick her up if she gets in trouble, either.

Luckily she’s such a responsible young lady. She has a great head on her shoulders. I know she’ll be fine.

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The good news is she landed safely. The unsettling news is that hashtag she used. I hope my girl isn’t getting into any drugs while she’s over there. I know it’s legal in Amsterdam, but I don’t believe that’s on the itinerary.

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Dan Frockington? This kid gives me bad vibes.

Monday, June 23

Dear Diary,

As evidenced by her tweets, it would appear that Sarah is having a pretty good time.

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Her father, on the other hand, is NOT having a good time. And this Frockington kid is bad, bad news. I expected Sarah’s maturity to be tested while in Europe, but I didn’t expect it to come from someone back home who she already knew. Dan looks like he may even be a schoolmate of Sarah’s. I really wish he’d stay away from my daughter and stop influencing her. Topless? Thankfully, Sarah knows better.

Monday, June 23

Fuck You Diary,

This is my second entry of the day. It appears that Sarah has woken and recovered from her night out on the town. FUCK Dan Frockington.

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I’ve tried reaching Sarah multiple times, but I’m not able to connect. If plane tickets weren’t over a grand a piece, I’d fly out there right now and bring her home with me. I’m torn up about this. My baby is in a foreign land, so far from home, away from her loving dad, and she’s acting out and hanging with the wrong crowd. Who knows if she’s even going to class. If only I was with her to help her make good decisions.

Calm down, Dave. Get ahold of yourself. You’ve got to trust her. You raised her right. She’ll figure it out.

Maybe she’s only acting like this because she’s so excited to be in a new country and away from ol’ papa bear’s big paws. I’m going to forget the Club Bare thing ever happened and chalk it up as an anomaly. She was drinking and made a mistake. End of story. You were young once, Dave. You did some things you’d take back. That’s not my girl. She’s smart and responsible, and she respects herself. I’m going to put the diary up for a couple days and trust her decision making. Now, if only I could keep Frockington away from her…

Thursday, June 26

Fuck You Diary,

All I wanted to do today was sit back and watch the U.S. take down the fucking Germans, but nooooo. I’ve got a thorn in my ass the size of a goddamn Buick and his name is Motherfucker Frockington. This kid is single-handedly ruining my baby girl, who, by the way, WON’T PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE.

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Sarah, please no.

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I’m lost. I’ve never known pain like this. My sweet girl has been totally corrupted. Drinking until 5 a.m. and showing her breasts in public. I don’t even know her anymore. My soul has been ripped from me. I’m devastated, lost. My body may be physically living, but I’m dead inside.

Thursday, June 26

Kill Me Diary,

Second entry of the fucking day. In an update that surprises absolutely no one, Sarah and Dan are watching the U.S.-Germany World Cup game together at a bar in Munich. Does she have class today? Fucking probably. Is she likely skipping it? Most fucking definitely. And why? Um, well, let’s see. She’s drunk, she’s with Frockington, and her classes take place in Italy (she’s in fucking Germany). There’s also a 90% likelihood that her bare tits have seen sunlight today. And how wonderful is it that she got her mother’s double Ds? Kill me now. I don’t want to go on. I can’t go on.

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Oh boy.

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Fuck you, Frockington. Leave her alone.

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Thank you, Sarah.

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Dear God.

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🙁

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boated

Dan Frockington is systematically ruining my life.

Image via Wikimedia Commons

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