The Diary Of A Naive Pledge, One Week Into Pledgeship

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Nice Move

Naive Pledge

I am able to empathize with the naive pledge, because to a lesser degree, I was the naive pledge. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but unlike the subject in this diary, I quickly figured it out. The journey from wide-eyed freshman living it up during rush into a broken pledge is a memorable one for all fortunate enough to experience it. For this guy, it hit like a ton of bricks.

Wednesday, September 10 – 1:27 PM

So, I’m pretty sure last night was the best night of my life. Bid night, motherfucker! So much fun. I got way too drunk, and this hangover keeps reminding me of it, but damn, what a great time. I wouldn’t change anything about it. Had a ton of laughs, talked about what’s to come, and how awesome college is. All just really exciting stuff.

Crazy Phil was giving me a hard time as always. He kept saying how he wants to haze me until I take my last breath, even that he wants to feel me take my last breath with his hands on my throat. LOL! Dude was grinning ear-to-ear and standing under a university mandated “No Hazing” poster that was hanging in the hallway. Haha, I knuckled him up for that one. That guy is so hilarious. Wouldn’t hurt a fly either. I wonder if he’ll be my big brother, seeing as how he likes to bust my balls and all that.

On one hand, it’s kind of a shame to see rush end, with all the wild parties, free alcohol, cool dudes, and beautiful ladies at every turn, but now the real fun is about to start. I’m one step closer to becoming a real Delta!!! And my new pledge brothers are all really awesome guys, too. I’ve been bonding with Kyle the most. I can tell we’re going to become real tight. He was being all weird last night, though. He kept telling me, “No matter what happens, we’re in this together ‘til the end.” LOL! I dunno why he was so serious all of the sudden, maybe he was just drunk. I dunno.

It’s also time to get focused on my studies, so it’s a good thing all the craziness is slowing down for me. I can’t wait to see what lies ahead!

Thursday, September 11 – 10:05 PM

Just got back from a pledge meeting at the house. Serious tone up there tonight. Kinda odd. They gave us a pledge handbook and explained attire requirements and some basic rules to follow, basically the first steps in teaching us all about what it means to be a Delta, and of course, a gentleman. Despite the solemn demeanor of the actives, my excitement is at an all time high right now!

Crazy Phil sent me off with a sly wink and a funny “Enjoy your last nights of freedom” poke. Dude kills me.

Saturday, September 13 – 9:30 PM

All the brothers were in a really bad mood today.

They invited all of us pledges to come over and hang out at the house, but then they just made us clean the whole time. The fuck? It took us like six hours! Either they had just thrown a rager the night before without inviting us, or the house hadn’t been cleaned since bid night. Either way, what a freaking mess! It was a sea of beer cans in there, and the place smelled like a sewer. I’m over here thinking, “Hey, you guys made most of this mess yourselves, so why aren’t you helping us?” I mean, I get it that we’re the newbies, but come on! Grab a mop or something, man.

They picked me out of everyone to mow and edge the lawn. Was kinda cool, actually. I think they recognize my awesome work ethic and attention to detail. They trust me and I think they recognize that I’m a natural leader.

While we were cleaning and doing yard work, the brothers started playing this game. What a welcomed surprise! My hands were blistering up some and it was hot as hell out there. We hadn’t had anything to drink since we got there (they told us the water was shut off, which was weird because several of them had clearly just taken showers). Anyway, back to the game…

They kept throwing beer cans out on the lawn and yelling “GRENADE!!!” We had to keep jumping on the grenades to sacrifice ourselves so our pledge brothers wouldn’t blow up. They made us act out the explosions and everything, so whenever we jumped on it and blew up, we had to make this upward convulsing motion with our torso…hard to explain, but it hurt like hell because we were laying on hard dirt and gravel in the backyard. It was fun at first, but by hour two it was a dreadful experience. I estimate they tossed out like 400 beer cans on the lawn. My pledge brothers and I covered every single one of them. Just dominated. But OUCH!!!

I think I’ll email our pledge educator and let him know that game is more physically demanding than they realize. A few of us got really cut up from it, not to mention physically and emotionally exhausted. On top of all that, we had no water! Just seems a little irresponsible to me. One of us could have gotten injured.

I saw Crazy Phil, or actually let me rephrase that: I saw “Mr. Edgar.” I don’t know what got into him, but he said not to call him Phil anymore. Was acting like a dick! He was extra rude today, and he’s normally so laid back, so I’m guessing he was fighting with his girlfriend or something. Even on a bad day, brother Phil is cool as ice, man. He thoughtfully noticed I was parched from the yard work and devastating heat, so he tossed me a cold Natty. Like a utopia in the Sahara desert, the cold beer hit my lips something borderline orgasmic. He made me pound it, though. He then had three more cold ones lined up and pre-holed for shotgunning. He made me take one after another without taking a break. I’m thinking, “Shit Mr. Edgar, I’m thirsty as hell but this is gonna make me sick!” And then it did. I blew chucks in the sand volleyball pit. Cleaning vomit out of sand is damn near impossible, by the way. I wasn’t that thirsty, Mr. Edgar. Sheesh.

Anyway, this pledging business got off to a rough, confusing start, but it’s behind us now. Good, good times are ahead.

Monday, September 15 – 1:48 AM

I’m laying here in my dorm twin size just completely restless. I have this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach like I’m on the verge of something terrifying, similar to an animal seeking higher ground when a heinous natural disaster is approaching.

Hopefully it’s just the dining hall food catching up to me. It’s certainly not mom’s home cooking! And I can’t imagine their sanitation standards are up to code.

Tuesday, September 16 – 2:26 PM

I’m sitting here in the quad between classes on this beautiful school day, just living the life of a college man/soon-to-be fratter who’s ready to run this school. The sun’s out, the birds are chirping, and the coeds are lookin’ fine. Life is grand. Haha, this experience is everything I thought it’d be!

As I type this, my phone is blowing up. Just got seven texts in a matter of two minutes. Something’s up. It’s probably about our first official pledge lineup tonight. Can’t wait to show the actives how proudly we are representing Delta!

Wednesday, September 17 – 9:55 AM

Mr. Edgar beat the fuck out of me last night.

I spent two hours in the ER receiving 18 goddamn stitches over my right eye from a Mr. Edgar right hook. I mistook a stern finger point to the chest for an attempt to dap me up. Fuck me. Big mistake. The punch came swiftly and thunderous. Also, “eye-fucking” is apparently very frowned upon.

What the hell just happened? This is not what I signed up for. I’m fucked. We’re all fucked. I have nine weeks left of this.

To be continued…

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