The Dos And Don’ts Of Spring Break

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That magical time of year is upon us yet again. Spring break is just around the corner and everyone’s booking their flights and stocking their vans up with enough booze and drugs to last a normal person a lifetime. But before you take off for your week of excessive raging and disappointing your parents, there are a few dos and don’ts that the less experienced spring breaker should keep in mind in order to maximize the experience.

Do: Stock up on booze.

Buy cheap and buy a lot. It should go without saying that this trip revolves around you doing as much and remembering as little as possible. The bars and clubs will charge out the ass for everything, so leaving your place as sauced as possible is essential.

Don’t: Stock up on food.

I’m obviously not saying don’t eat. Please eat. However, I have found from my experiences that stocking up on food too much at the start of the week wastes money that could’ve gone towards further fueling your state of intoxication. Most of the time you will be out and about and eating habits will consist of Hooters, Subway, and pizza. Maybe grab some sandwich materials and meal bars, but that should be about it. Don’t worry about food. Food slows you down. When you need it, you’ll find it. Scavengers.

Do: Go with some girls you know.

You don’t want to be the creepy group of ten dudes on the beach salivating at every pair of tits that passes you by. Going with a few good wing-women can open up a lot of doors for you and your guy friends and make you seem a lot more approachable. And hey, if you and one or two of your lady friends each strike out at the bar, this could lead to a very interesting night back in the hotel room.

Don’t: Go with too many girls you know.

The last thing you want on this trip is drama. Going with too many girls that know you and your history could lead to a severe case of cock-blocking and bickering. This is obviously something to avoid at all costs.

Do: Go to Fort Lauderdale.

Okay, this is a little biased but the point is to make sure you go somewhere as south and warm as possible. The warmer it is, the less clothing girls are going to wear. That’s just simple math right there. It’s also your time to shine and show off that liquor fed body you’ve been “working on” for months. I personally feel that Ft. Laudy is an up-and-comer, and hasn’t banned alcohol on their beach. However, as long as it’s hot and there are plenty of other college students ready to rage as much as you are, you can’t go wrong.

Do: Not give a singular fuck.

You shelled out a lot of cash for this trip and have spent more time planning and dreaming about it than you have on your schoolwork. Therefore, you have earned the right to absolutely lose your shit and create stories that you’ll tell for years to come. Make out with that 40-year-old MILF at the bar. Jump off balconies into pools or crowds of people. Get wet. Get others wet. As the great Shia LaBeouf once said, “DO IT!!! JUST DO IT!!!!”

Don’t: Die

Yeah. Pretty straightforward one here.

All in all, I can think of a lot more dos for spring break than don’ts. Don’t think or worry too much about consequences, but think just enough to where you make it back home in one piece. Enjoy it because it comes and goes faster than you in bed.

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