Fall semester is finally back in full swing and that means you’ll be spending way too much of either your Sunday or Monday nights discussing pointless shit like what color to make rush shirts or voting on whether to vote on whether or not you can open up old business upon which to vote. Clubbing baby seals to death or being water-boarded is honestly a less soul-sucking, and more rewarding experience than fraternity chapter. The painfully unfunny see this as their opportunity to shine and newly-initiated brothers want to make an “impact” by having their pointless voices heard. Nowhere else is time as wastefully spent than in the chapter room of a fraternity house — and that includes Capitol Hill. So how do we make it more bearable? A drinking game of course.
- A brother’s name comes up during roll call and people laugh.
- The fraternity has the same respect for Robert’s Rules of Order that Bubba Watson has for his caddie or a congressman has for a Motel 8 escort.
- A proclamation of “It’s in the bylaws” is made by a brother you know damn well has no idea if that’s actually the case.
- The aroma of Bigfoot’s taint fills the room after a brother takes off his boat shoes.
- “Motion to close” immediately after a motion is opened.
- The words “squid” or “boner” are used to describe a pledge, brother, other fraternal organization, or university official.
- Whenever the scribe goes “I can’t put that in the minutes, guys.”
- Discussions of themes for socials get progressively worse after a brother suggests “Nazi bros and Anne Frank hoes.”
- Drink for the amount of seconds equal to the amount of brothers wearing the same fraternity or sorority shirt (1 shirt = 1 second).
- A sorority visits and one of the girls is actively avoiding eye contact with a brother that has spread more frosting on her face than all the cupcakes they brought into the room combined.
- Every time the sorority girl speaking says the word “like.”
- “What if I don’t care about poor people?” is genuinely asked during a philanthropy report.
- A discussion spirals into a circle-jerk of “Going off what brother so and so said…”
- A brother abstains, you know, just to be a dick.
- Every time someone’s plan of action mirrors Bill O’Reilly’s “Fuck it. We’ll do it live” mentality.
Finish Your Drink:
- That brother who abstained would have been the decisive vote.
- If the entire room looks at you during a discussion of “an unnamed brother” who fucked up.
- Every time you’re acknowledged for seconding a motion.
- “Yeah he’s a nice guy and all, but he can be a nice guy somewhere else” before blackballing a polarizing potential.
Finish The Bottle:
- “Pay your fucking dues” miraculously isn’t said once during chapter..