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The Future Has Arrived: Trade Your Gift Cards For Porn

Do you have a relative who gets you an Abercrombie gift card for Christmas because they think it’s what “all the cool kids wear?” Thanks to a new partnership between Naughty America and a site called PayGarden, you can turn that almost worthless piece of plastic into something you’ll actually use: good old fashioned American pornography.

It’s never too early to start earning that coal in your stocking next year, and with the ability to transform gift cards from nearly a hundred popular companies into full-fledged access to the Naughty America smut wagon, your journey to Santa’s bad side has never been easier.

Just how much porn can an unwanted gift card earn you? A $25 Starbucks card that no self-respecting man would use can now translate to 24 days of (mostly) shame-free masturbatory bliss.

Grandma might have preferred you get some new towels with that Bed Bath and Beyond gift card, but why not ruin the ones you already have when $50 worth gets you nearly seven weeks of access?

When asked about this promotional deal, Naughty America founder Andreas Hronopolous responded with some of the most infallible logic I’ve ever heard.

“Nothing says America like the freedom of choice,” he remarked. “Instead of using a gift card for a $5 coffee, you’re getting a porn subscription.”

Dude has got a point there. Porn equals patriotism, and it’s practically your duty as an American to get rid of that Barnes & Noble card and to start your New Year’s resolution with a one-armed workout regimen.

Check out the site, and see all the gift cards that qualify here.

[via Huffington Post]

Image via PayGarden

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StuffFratPeopleLike (@StuffFratsLike) is a writer for Total Frat Move, and due to his crippling OCD and functional alcoholism he can only understand and write text when presented in a numbered list format. So you're all jerks for calling him out on it. He is a self described Huguenot, and commands a secret sexual fetish for angry internet comments.

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