Columns

The Morning Bump: Be The Danger

Morning is the worst time of day. You’re tired and hungover, but you have to get out of bed and do stuff, so you could use a little motivation. A little pick-me-up. A little morning bump, if you will. Well here you go, brother. Put this metaphorical straw to your nose and snort.

Let’s Go To Work

You got anger? That’s good — you’re gonna need it, son. You got aggression? That’s even better — you’re gon’ need that too. Life is about controlling that anger, harnessing that aggression, and using both to grab today by the horns, force it down into the dirt, and make it call you “Daddy Warbucks.” Now go slang rocks and hold down your corner of the block. Hoody hoo.

Strength Through Adversity

If you can’t feel that deep down in your plums, then you need to get your plums checked out by a medical professional. Sometimes in life, bad shit happens. That’s an unavoidable truth. You can choose to either throw a pity party for yourself, and make your life all about that bad shit that happened, or you can be a man, and make your life all about how you flushed that bad shit right down the toilet and made it rain big-faced hundreds on the reg. The choice is yours, youngin’. Put up or shut up.

Daps And Hugs, Mean Mugs And Shoulder Shrugs

Shimmy shimmy cocoa what? Nobody knows what it means, but it’s provocative. It gets the people going. Start that shit back from the beginning, turn it up, put a weird bandaid under each eye and release the kraken. The time is now, and now is your bitch. Go forth and blow thirty mill like you’re Hammer.

Be The Danger

Skyler thought she knew who she was talking to, but she had no idea. Chica was dead wrong. Walt was the danger; he was the one who knocked. Now it’s your turn. Knock hard today. Be dangerous. Scare the everliving shit out of people with your big ass balls. Just don’t sell meth. Or do. Whatever.

Got something you think should be featured in The Morning Bump? Email it to me at Ross@TotalFratMove.com.

Email this to a friend

Ross Bolen

Ross Bolen is the New York Times Bestselling Author of Total Frat Move, co-host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles podcast, and co-host of the Back Door Cover podcast, a psychotic Rockets fan, fair-weather Astros fan, and sad Texans fan.

7 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

For More Photos and Videos

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take TFM with you. Get

New Stories

Load More