The Musical Tastes Of The Guys In Your House

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One of the great things about being in a fraternity is that everyone has his own unique interests. People have different hobbies, pastimes, drinks of choice, and preferences regarding blondes or brunettes. If there’s definitely one thing everyone has his own taste in, it’s music. More than likely, you’ve got guys in your house who listen to a pretty wide variety of music, so here’s a breakdown of a few of them.

The Top 40 Kid

Did you hear that catchy, annoying as hell song that played 15 times today on the local radio station? That’s the kind of stuff this guy listens to. More than likely, he’s a JI. He hasn’t had the opportunity to refine his tastes and figure out what he actually likes. Until he does, he’ll just keep listening to the stuff he thinks everyone else likes.

The Pop Country Cowboy

This dude is all about drinking moonshine on the tailgate of his truck in the moonlight down by the train tracks or whatever. He’s not actually from the country, and he sure as shit doesn’t know what real country music is. Instead, he blasts the garbage Nashville puts out these days and smiles while Hank Williams rolls in his grave.

The Rap Guy

Remember the guy in middle school who dressed like a thug even though his parents were doctors or lawyers? Well, he’s grown up and become the Rap Guy. The Rap Guy hails from the mean streets of a pleasant suburban town, had a great upbringing, and is probably pre-law. His parents have prayed this was a phase since 2004.

The Obscure Shit Guy

This guy is the closest thing to a hipster that you’ll ever have in your house. He’s always listening to shit you’ve never heard of–and reminding you that you’ve never heard of the shit he’s listening to. He thinks he’s “discovering” new music, when, in fact, he’s just looking up videos on YouTube. Every now an then, he finds a decent song. For the most part, though, this dude just listens to weird music, thinks he’s better than you for it, and lets you know all about it.

The Jam Band Guy

If you hear some Widespread Panic, Grateful Dead, or The String Cheese Incident playing from down the hall, you can bet it’s coming from the Jam Band Guy’s room. There’s a good chance this guy is high 95 percent of the time. He’s always letting you know about “this headie jam” he found, which, in reality, is 45 minutes of solos on instruments you’ve never heard of. He goes to festivals all the time, is constantly inviting you to the festivals he goes to, and if you’re on the East Coast, he’s probably from the Richmond, Va., area.

The EDM Douche

There’s a time and a place for EDM. Unfortunately, the EDM Douche thinks it’s all the time and everywhere. He probably thinks he’s some kind of DJ. He may even offer to DJ a party or two. Don’t let him. Unless he really knows what he’s doing, you’re better off just plugging an iPod into your stereo system. The EDM Douche also tries to make his own mixes. As stated before, unless he knows what he’s doing, they’re probably shit. While his taste in music may not be great, he is always good for one thing–every week in chapter, the EDM Douche pushes for a paint party. It’s his element.

The ’80s Power Jam Guy

Yeah, this guy listens to the same exact stuff your dad did when he was in college. There’s a pretty good chance this guy is a fifth or sixth year senior by now. That’s because he listens to music that requires you to be exceptionally fucked up to truly enjoy. You can find him drunkenly singing along to the classics at any party or raging by himself on a Tuesday afternoon. He may or may not have a mullet.

The Metal Guy

The Metal Guy doesn’t actually like metal. In fact, he hates it. See, he’s the Pledge Educator. He never listened to the stuff until he was elected and took his current position. He only listens to it for one purpose: to get into the zone. Just like the warriors of old, The Metal Guy has his pre-battle ritual. Before sessions with the pledges, he can be found taking pulls from a bottle of cheap bourbon, watching highlights of “Full Metal Jacket,” and blasting what he, himself, describes as “hate.”

BlutarskyTFM (@BlutoGrandex) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems, the self-appointed Senior Military Analyst for TFM News, founder of the #YesAllMenWhoWearHawaiianShirts Movement, and, on an unrelated note, a huge fan of buffets. While by no means an athletic man, he was the four-square champion of his elementary school in 1997. When not writing poorly organized columns or cracking stupid, inappropriate jokes on Twitter, Bluto pretends to be well-read, finds excuses not to exercise, and actually has a real job.

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