The Non-Affiliated Friend Who Hangs Around Every Fraternity House

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Nice Move


He’s the most polarizing figure in Greek life. The topic of unnecessarily long “should he even be here?” chapter discussions that have left a few resentful brothers irritated when the fraternity continually gives him clemency. Both a ringer on the intramural field and a sly-talking, wise-cracking, huge-swinging dick in any social setting, having him associated with your letters is only an advantageous union. There’s just one problem. He never rushed.

How this maverick swindled the “pay to play” system varies from house to house. Maybe he’s a university athlete with straightforward coach emplaced bans on joining, but more than likely he’s just a defiant asshole that was hometown boys with half your organization. He’s the roommate of three brothers, the high school teammate of five others, and less than six degrees of separation with actives’ past, present, and future girlfriends. The kid is a souped-up sex McLaren and your fraternity is the toll free super highway allowing him to burn rubber and crush puss.

Now that’s obviously going to rattle a few members’ cages, especially when they’re both current on their dues and on a drought comparable to an Oklahoma carrot farm in a Dorothea Lange photo (read a damn history book for me one time). But what this independent casanova lacks in financial contribution, he more than makes up for in brand equity. Darren Rovell would spontaneously combust out of sheer excitement if he saw the value this non-affiliate adds to the fraternity.

That flag football championship you gleefully display front and center in the trophy case? Won on his golden arm. Your newfound domination of the local bar scene? Guess who already had his foot in the door? That small entertainment LLC he started freshman year that you laughed at is actually paying major dividends. Parties and charity events have never been better. Ying Yang Twins and Waka Flocka back to back years for your philanthropy concert? Yeah, that’s a big time operator.

So it shouldn’t be a surprise that he carries more clout in the organization than the brothers who are constantly sent on supply runs during recruitment to avoid interaction with potentials. The kid has actually brought around more eventual initiated members during rush than 99 percent of the chapter. Both beneficial to the fraternity and himself with more guys having his back and allowing him to stick around without paying a dime.

He’s the face of the franchise, yet not on the team at all. The Drake to your Toronto Raptors. An ambassador that any charter on campus would love to have. Those who disprove of his presence around their fraternity are simply envious. The kid found a damn loop hole — enjoying all the advantages of Greek life with none of the inconveniences — and gets to play by his own set of rules.

The shiesty bastard didn’t go through “the best time you’d never want to experience again” in pledging. He doesn’t have to sit in on three grueling hours of “going off what brother so-and-so said” each week at chapter meetings. Not once did he ever hastily bullshit and fill out Nationals’ standards of excellence packets last minute to keep in good standing. No, he just shows up whenever he pleases, and he never has to worry about being fined for missing trifling sorority dance competitions.

But don’t knock the hustle of this independent friend who many consider an “honorary brother.” Just appreciate his game.


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