If you haven’t been near a sorority girl in the last decade, then you probably have never heard of the phenomenon known as FOMO. If that’s the case, I’m not sure why you’re on our website in the first place, but I’ll explain it for all you lonely geed masturbators out there anyways. FOMO, or “Fear of Missing Out” is the more socially acceptable version of YOLO that doesn’t make you sound like a complete tool when you use it in a sentence.
Ever had a major exam coming up, but a massive can’t-miss party the night before? Then chances are you’re well acquainted with the feeling of FOMO. While this acronym is a great excuse to live your college years to the fullest, it isn’t all sunshine and Natty Light doused butterflies. With great FOMO comes great responsibility, and by understanding some of the highs and lows of this excuse to party, you might just learn a bit about yourself in the process.
Pro: You Probably Won’t Regret It
From my very first day on campus, I’d hear this age old adage repeated time and time again: “You can always retake a class, but you can never relive a party.” Throughout my five and one-third years of college, this life lesson proved to be invaluable. It was probably also the main reason it took me five and one-third years to graduate with a liberal arts degree, but I digress.
Using FOMO to capitalize on your time will undoubtedly lead to some of the craziest nights of your life. Those times when you’d otherwise be sitting on your ass and doing unimportant things like “passing classes” and “not abusing your liver” can be spent making and subsequently forgetting some of the wildest memories your life will acquire. While you might swear you’re never drinking again come morning, the drunken singalongs of the nights past will stay with you as you realize it was undoubtedly time well spent.
Con: You Shouldn’t be a Pussy in the First Place
If you really need a fear of missing out as a dictating factor in your party schedule, then I have one message for you: stop being a little bitch. While your eventual degree is a very important thing, those nights where you solidify the your friendships through alcohol are what make the college experience the one of a kind thrill ride that you’ll never forget.
You shouldn’t need an acronym to understand that every party is worth your time in some form or fashion. There will be a day in your life when 16 beers on a Tuesday afternoon is no longer socially acceptable. When it comes down to it, there shouldn’t be any need for convincing; rage your balls off because you want to, not because you have to.
Pro: It’s Always a Good Excuse
While exams, jobs, and responsibilities take plenty of the precious time of your college years, there are always opportunities to let loose. Sure, there are important things you COULD be doing, but just think of all the kinky sexual escapades you might be missing out on. It’s a proven fact that no one has ever gotten the best head of their lives while studying Microeconomics.
Here’s where FOMO actually comes in handy. The more time you spend thinking of how awesome a night of drinking could be, the more likely it is that you’ll forgo your responsibilities to enjoy the opportunities ahead. If you’re still not sold, try the “I’ll just have a few beers” technique. By the time you reach number six, I think it’s safe to say you’ll know the right decision.
Con: Half the Time You’re Not Even Missing That Much
We’ve all been there at one point or another. After a fresh shower and casual manscape session, you arrive at the party, cases in hand, to nothing but the sound of crickets. You were told that this Monday night rager would be one for the history books, but that same exam that you casually skipped studying for has every girl in a five mile radius holed up in the library dressed in their workout clothes.
One of the inherent risks you take with a FOMO philosophy lies in the fact that sometimes the night out just wasn’t worth it to begin with. While you might have fantasized about a hot and heavy bangout with a smoking hot blonde, sometimes the night may leave you with no more sexual prospects than a trip to your local petting zoo. Chances are you’ll get pants-shittingly drunk anyways, but when you drop a heavy D- on that midterm you’ll probably wish you had stayed in.
Pro: It Makes Your Nights Even Crazier
When you head into your night with the mentality of living life to the fullest, you are undoubtedly going to make the best of your time. While a normal night might have the simple goals of getting drunk and/or laid in that order, a FOMO night usually begins with an aggressive round of shots and ends in a mysterious bed that you don’t recognize.
Talk all the shit you want about FOMO, but those are the nights you’ll remember when you’re balls deep in your mid-20s worrying about TPS reports and wishing it was acceptable to show up to work in a whiskey-bent daze.
Con: It Never Ends
The final con I have for FOMO also happens to be one of the strongest. Fear of missing out can be a slippery slope, and if you can logically justify one party, it may not be long before you find yourself selling crack-cocaine in your college town ghetto just to afford a few more double whiskey gingers for $2 Tuesdays. While I’m all for an irresponsible lifestyle, eventually you are going to need some type of productivity to justify your enrollment in the university.
Eventually you’re going to be forced to miss out. It might be a float trip, a sorority function, or just a good old-fashioned party, but no matter the event, there comes a point where you have to buckle down and knock out that 15%-of-your-grade assignment. My advice? Just drink twice as much the next chance you get. Checkmate, FOMO.