Writing for TFM has given me the best fucking summer in the entire world. I’ve seen Hot Piece of TSM’s boobs at a pool party rager, learned the real reason the Chili’s guy got blackballed, and met all of DeVry Guy’s imaginary girlfriends (yet I still refuse to meet the real ones he has locked up in his basement, no matter how persistent he may be). And yet, these rich bitches on Instagram have the balls to flaunt their shit and pretend that their summer beats lifting heavy things and hollering at shorties with Jack Hammer or playing a round of 18 with Bogey Wells. It’s honestly ridiculous. I mean, just look at their pictures and try to tell me that they’re having a frattier summer than I am.
@ahmed_aljuffali: Takeoff! #yachtlife #cannes
I see no hoes on said boat. NF.
@official_antoine: I was playing tennis at a friend’s home when two other friends came in a helicopter to play tennis with us
Thanks for fucking ruining the nice game of tennis that was going on by landing your helicopter directly onto the court. NF.
@mralexpod: Always make sure to tip your pilot and co-pilot 10k. #rulesofflyingprivate
More like the back of a camper. NF.
@maxleif: Cockside pooltails in the PH with my fluffy little b**** #penthouselife
This looks too much like Brooklyn. I hope you enjoy your craft beer, hipster. NF.
@andrewstewart_12: Only part of the aftermath #turnup #warzone #nyc
We raged harder at my little cousin’s bat mitzvah. NF.
@the_marcus_adolf: Shopping time at #SaksFifthAvenue #SanFrancisco! #BlackCard #AmexBlackCard #AmericanExpress #centurioncard #accessories #cartier #hermes #exclusive #expensive #uwol #rkoi #thegoodlife
There are, like, 17,000 other people who have a black card. Do you have a Magnises card? I have two. NF.
@mralexpod: Didn’t have weekend plans until about 5 mins ago. Packing for Vegas. #murika #happybdayusa #letsgo #lasvegas
WOW. No weekend plans ’til the last minute? Seems like a pity invite to me. NF.
@Coleshneider: Ain’t no thang #stacked #rolex
One watch tells you the time. The other two tell you you’re stupid. NF.
@eli_miz: I’ve been drinking and Romanée-Conti #IfYouKnowYouKnow
No slam. NF.
@ericadowns: Family lunch. #thehelp #thehamptons
Cool, you had a catered lunch. Never seen that before. NF.
@harry_brant: The Day Of Rest
Meh. That girl’s a six at best. NF.
@jacksiebert: Mykonos. #yourenotthere
@anilarjandas: The AP Kilo with almost 1,5 kg!! Need to buy a new scale as this one is just up to 1500g
Using the metric system. NF.
@traviskipp: #hampslife #enjoysummerwhileyoucan
Putting wine in slam’s mouth, but nothing else. NF.
@allefoglia: It’s my birthday let me spend my money #aces
This is the definition of a geed. NF.
Love them, hate them, or you’re a sorostitute who wants to have their kids so you can trap them, these one percenters are hands down having a better summer than you are. But not me. A few weeks ago, I went to a high school graduation party in south Jersey that may or may not have served only frozen pizza. I say “may not,” because I was too drunk trying to forget that I was in the Garden State to tell if the thing I was eating was edible. But just to prove I am having a better summer than these kids on Instagram, I, too, snapped a photo highlighting my night.
@jordangersh: #XtraCheese #drunkkkkkkkkk #livinlarge #Dornsmom #TFM
Best. Summer. Ever.
[via Daily Mail]
Images via Instagram