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The Summer Of Johnny Manziel Continues, He Just Got Suspended By The NFL

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Two days ago, Johnny Manziel got on a plane to Cabo reaking of weed. Yesterday, there appeared to be cocaine in his vicinity in Cabo. Now, in completely unrelated news, the NFL has suspended JFF 4 games for substance abuse.

Pretty impressive to get suspended while not even on a roster. If you ask me, this newest speed bump sets Johnny up perfectly to be signed by a struggling, in-need-of-a-quarterback team that’s willing to take a chance on him. He’ll come in after his suspension is up and take them from 0-4 to 12-4 before losing in the playoffs after Johnny bleeds out after severely deviating his septum in a locker room bathroom stall ahead of the conference championship game, inspiring a 30 for 30 for the ages. Are you reading this, Broncos?

I fully believe Johnny when he says he’s currently going sober. As somebody who habitually overtrusts less-than-reputable characters, I think this will be a bigger success story than that of my childhood friend Jimmy, who went from murdering the cats in our neighborhood and expressing zero empathy to being a blood spatter analyst for the Miami PD. Everybody just wait and see.

I heard one of the reasons Johnny is going sober is that he couldn’t lock down any conflict-free cocaine.

Seems legit.

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a writer and content manager for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin. He has been called the "Patron Saint of Butt Stuff" despite never having engaged in sexual activity of any nature until he turned 21, which he is still convinced is the minimum age at which you can legally have sex.

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