The Texas Rangers: America’s Team?

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The latest MLB All Star voting results came in on Monday and Prince Fielder is the only starter who is not a member of the Yankees, Red Sox, or Rangers. Not too surprising considering that for the better part of the last decade the American League team has always been flooded with players from the Bronx and Boston, but what is surprising is that five out of the eight starters are Texas Rangers. Does this merit a conversation that the Rangers deserve the title of America’s Team? By no means. Am I going to examine the prospect of this anyway? YES I AM.

If you have ever taken the time to watch Lonesome Dove, then you understand just what it means to be a Texas Ranger. Robert Duval beds a 24 year-old smoking hot Diane Lane at the age of 67, and Tommy Lee Jones goes into uncontrollable black out fits of rage that tend to kill anyone in his path. That combined with the fact that the Rangers don the red, white and blue when they hit the field will begin the premise of our argument. The Rangers recent success and unprecedented popularity all starts with Jon Daniels. Six years removed from being a Delta Chi at Cornell, Daniels became the youngest GM in the history of Major League Baseball at the age of 28. Think of Billy Heywood from Little Big League, but the GM version. Daniels made power moves through blockbuster trades and free agency to obtain Nelson Cruz, Adrian Beltre, Mike Napoli and Josh Hamilton. All of these players, and Ian Kinsler, are leading the ballots at their respective positions and he has managed to maintain one of the best farm systems in the league the entire time.

Daniels has created a team that has rivaled and surpassed the Braves as the fan favorites of southern America. The Christian demographic sings praises every time Murphy and Hamilton step to the plate and the majority of our lower-rent residents with a television set and a Napoli tee shirt jersey have their own hero on the team, as well. They appeal to the broad spectrum of baseball fans, from the clean cut image of good ole boy Michael Young to the edgier Hamilton. Lets face it, the days have long since passed when I can flip on TBS and see the Braves every single day, no one likes Fredi Gonzalez as much as they did Bobby Cox, and the only reason Chipper Jones is still on my fantasy team is for street cred.

Finally, there is not one manager in the league who demands and receives more respect than the Rangers Ron Washington. His contagious energy and leadership has reserved him a spot in the hearts of all Rangers fans, and he has every quality of an old school legendary baseball manager. Did he test positive for cocaine use? Sure. But he came clean and make the bold claim that it was his first and only time to use the drug. Nobody in the history of cocaine abuse has taken their first bump at the age of 60, but did that deter Washington’s alibi? No, sir. He has his story and he is sticking to it.

So, the next time you tune in to watch the Rangers here in the next few weeks, whether you catch Roy Oswalt’s first start, a Josh Hamilton long ball, or you sneak a peek of President Bush and Nolan Ryan shooting the shit in the front row and it feels a little bit like an iconic organization, that’s because it is. The World Series trophies will come and the loyalty of fans all across this great land will come with it. The Rangers have made their case, so jump on the bandwagon, there is plenty of room, and cheer with us for America’s team.

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  1. 1
    White Goodman

    I grew up going to games at old Fulton County Stadium as a kid, until the Olympics came and Turner Field was built. I don’t cheer for the Braves because they’re “the team of the South,” but because they’re my team and always will be. Fuck you, go Braves.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  2. 0
    Fratlem Brotrotters

    This is the dumbest column I have ever read. Everybody needs to get off the rangers’ dick. Nothing from Texas but steers and queers. The Atlanta Braves are and will always be America’s team. Win a World Series and then come back and talk to me. The chop don’t stop.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 0
      JParksCaldwell1855

      We all hate them. They’re synonymous with the Imperial Empire and the Soviet Union. We loathe their media attention. But anyone who says that the New York Yankees, with their 27 World Championships, and with greats like Ruth, Mantle, DiMaggio, Gehrig, and yes Derek Jeter, aren’t America’s team is insane.

      The Yankees = baseball.

      (and anyone who voted for Beltre over Cabrera at 3rd is also insane).

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 0
      The Big LeFratski

      Couldn’t agree more JParks. They symbolize American capitolism, as much as everyone hates them. I hate em. I only wish my team hadn’t struggled for the past 10 years, till now. Go Redlegs.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 0
      Bass

      Listen up retards. I applaud ya’lls teams past success, but the pennants won in the past have little relevance to today’s teams. No the Rangers don’t have the most decorated past, but TODAY, in my biased opinion, they are America’s Team.

      Side note: Go Braves.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 0
      JParksCaldwell1855

      I’d define America’s team by which club the nation is most emotionally invested in, and no team stirs up more emotion by than the Yanks. Hell, I’d even put the Red Sox, Cubs, and Braves before the Rangers. Sure, what’s happening today plays a role, but baseball is a story of tradition, and Texas doesn’t have much yet.
      (and how dare you call the MFY my team).

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 0
      Fraticus Rex

      Even though I’m a Ranger’s fan, I agree completely with Brother JParksCaldwell1855′s first post. But on top of everything he said, The Yankees are America’s team because they are the one team you can’t stay neutral about: you love them or you hate them. But what really proves that they are America’s team is that they are one thing that the whole country can get behind. Love them or hate them, every baseball fan in the country was pulling for them in that first game post-9/11. How many other teams can unite a country like that?

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  3. 0
    five_fratpples

    I’m from Texas and I can’t decide what is more pathetic..all of the Rangers bandwagon fans, how they failed to close TWO World Series in a row, or how they think they’re somehow above the Yankees’ tradition, fans, pressure, and championships.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 0
      Paul Hazinger

      They were never in position to close the WS against the Giants. Also, most Ranger fans know they don’t have the tradition, however, they are now able to spend like the Yankees. Sorry your Astros didn’t win a World Series game.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 0
      Frat1

      Five_fratnipples- The Yankees? Are you fucking kidding? Nothing screams world class like an overpaid payroll and under-performing athletes. They are not America’s team by any stretch. Come talk when George Bush or Nolan Ryan put in a bid to buy your organization. We can talk about fans then.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 0
      SirFratsAlot1863

      Seriously though. If you haven’t parked in the DMV parking lot, gotten very intoxicated, scalped tickets from a crack head for 5 bucks, and posted up in the right field corner of Turner Field you have not experienced a Major League Baseball game at its finest. Go Braves.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • -2
      Frattastic378

      ^ Fucking this. The right field corner is where all the action is. The home run balls make it great, but staring down into the bullpen and heckling Christian Martinez makes it the best seat in the house.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  4. 0
    Success

    “Daniels has created a team that has rivaled and surpassed the Braves as the fan favorites of southern America”…no, just…no.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago

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