The Time A Girl Asked Me For A Golden Shower

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Nice Move

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Some people are more sexually adventurous than others — this goes without saying. Some people just like to have missionary sex in a bed with the lights off. To other people, that’s G-rated shit, and it ain’t real sex to them unless there’s leather, whips, chains, handcuffs, whipped cream, a goat, and three midgets. To each his own.

As any young guy with hormones, I always considered myself to lean more towards the deviant side in my head. But hey, I’m a 21-year-old male. My libido is a maniacal monster, and I’m eager to fuck any girl within 500 square feet of me at any given time. So, in my head, I was hypothetically down for anything. I had dipped my toe into that pool before. Anal? Tried with my high school girlfriend (side note: hated it, type all the angry comments you want but I don’t want my drumstick to travel into any place where poop pays the mortgage.) Fucked in public? Tried it with a high school girlfriend at school in the empty theater during school hours. Guarantee it was WAY more entertaining than any play ever shown there.

So I considered myself an adventurous dude. I mean, what was left? Until I met this girl and she, much like Aladdin, introduced me to a whole new world. And yes, the magic carpet matched the drapes.

I met her through a mutual friend at a party. We’ll call her Lindsay. Lindsay and I hit it off. She was gorgeous and fun to talk to, so naturally, drunk me was very intrigued with the idea of going home with her. She took me an empty bedroom in the house party and locked the door and… well, you get it.

After that, we started hanging a lot. She came to my dorm and spent the night all the time. We’d go get drinks, see movies, get late night breakfast food at diners, and yes, had enough sex that my balls eventually ran out of batteries. We walked that blurry line between fuck buddies and boyfriend and girlfriend.

One night we’re chilling. She runs her hand through my hair and says she wants to “try something new”. I asked what that new thing was. She gave me a devilish grin and whispered “I want you to give me a golden shower.” I said, “Hmmmmm really, though?” She said, “Yes! I want you to pee on me!” with a bizarre amount of enthusiasm and urgency.

At first I was repulsed. My first instinct was to kick her out of my place, burn her belongings and hit myself with a hammer until I have brain damage and forget she ever existed.

But I paused and thought about it. First off, I realized that “golden shower” is WAY too luxurious-sounding of a name for the act of pissing on someone. BUT, I’ve never considered myself a prude. I have so many good times with this lovely lady, should I give this the old college try?

IF I do this, I wanna do it right. I don’t just wanna just stand up right now and piss on her, get my bedsheets wet and try to explain the yellow stains to everyone staring at me at the laundromat. I wanna do it the right way. The considerate way. The, dare I say, ROMANTIC way? I wanna do it in the shower, water running down on us so she’s immediately cleaned while I got my R. Kelly playlist bumping in the background.

So after all those thoughts raced through my mind, I (reluctantly) agree. I say “yeah, we can try that sometime”. She looked baffled and said “Sometime?! I meant now.” She drags me by the wrist to the bathroom and turns the shower on. We undress and get in the shower. She sits down on her knees in front of me and says “only my chest, avoid my face” with a scripted tone that made me realize this is NOT her first rodeo.

So did I do it? I’m 30% proud, 70% ashamed to say yes I did. After that she demanded it all the time, she clearly had a fetish. But a man can only drink multiple water bottles and hold his bladder for so long. After a while, I had to throw in the towel and tell her that we should just be friends.

Is all that gross and uncomfortable? Yeah. But it wasn’t the most gross uncomfortable part of all this. Nope, the most gross and uncomfortable part is that my new girlfriend recently asked me “What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done?” and I had to tell her this story.

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