The Timeline Of A Young Man Gone Missing On Sorority Date Night

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missing sorority date night

Last Saturday night, a young man disappeared from a sorority date night function at an unnamed local state college. Conrad, a promising junior Finance major, was reported missing at approximately midnight by his date, Heather. “It’s just crazy,” she said in an interview. “You never think it’ll happen to you, or like, anybody you know.”

The pair were set up by Conrad’s fraternity brother’s girlfriend, who had approached Conrad on campus the morning of his disappearance looking for someone to go with her little to the function. Although their sorority was not among the most popular on campus, Conrad accepted the invitation as it would have been rude to refuse getting obliterated in a public setting at virtually no cost.

With the help of the campus police and some of her dog’s Xanax, Heather was able to piece together a loose timeline of events leading up to Conrad’s disappearance.

6:45 PM: Conrad arrives at Heather’s apartment to pick her up for a pregame that is slated to begin at 7:00 PM.

7:55 PM: Heather finishes getting ready.

8:05 PM: On the way to the pregame, Heather receives a phone call from one of her sorority sisters, Emily, who wants to know if she, her date, and “a couple others” can get a ride to the pregame.

8:30 PM: Conrad and Heather arrive at the pregame with fourteen people in Conrad’s truck.

8:33 PM: Upon entering the apartment, Conrad is offered a beer. Witnesses recall that he shook his head and instead reached for a bottle of Jim Beam sitting on a coffee table, spun the cap, and took a “David Hasselhoff” length pull off of it.

8:40 PM: Heather is now two glasses of Moscato deep. She has eaten nothing since 11:45 AM.

8:55 PM: While discussing the woes of his fantasy football team with a pledge brother who was also invited to the date night last minute, Heather interrupts Conrad’s conversation to pull him aside and ask him whether or not he thinks she’s pretty. Before he can respond, she spills a drink on him.

9:15 PM: There are now nearly 90 people in the uncomfortably hot three-bedroom apartment where the pregame is being held.

9:37 PM: One of the girls at the party tells Conrad that Heather is in the bathroom crying because she and Conrad haven’t taken a picture for Instagram yet.

9:58 PM: After a careful negotiation that included promises of said picture for Instagram, Heather emerges from the bathroom.

10:00 PM: The picture is taken.

10:01 PM: Handing the phone back to him, Heather asks Conrad to take a picture of Heather and her grandbig. Upon seeing that he is taking a picture, several girls ask Conrad if he will do the same for them. Suddenly, he is holding six different iPhones that all have shattered screens.

10:25 PM: Heather spills another drink on Conrad and apologizes to the point of crying.

10:30 PM: The oldest girl at the pregame who always assumes the role of Mom starts to herd everyone towards the door to go to the bar where the sorority has their tab.

10:35 PM: A screaming match over the decision to take Uber or a taxi develops outside the apartment.

11:00 PM: The majority of those who were in attendance at the pregame arrive at the bar with the rest of the sorority and their dates.

11:30 PM: In just 30 minutes, the tab is nearly halfway gone. Several girls are in the bathroom crying. Heather has Conrad pinned in a corner of the bar, retelling every story from her past two years of college while Conrad stares off into the distance.

Although witnesses do not agree on the exact time, Heather recalled her last exchange with Conrad being around 11:45 PM. He had suggested she go to the bar to get some drinks, and when she came back, “he was literally gone.” Heather, choosing the most rational course of action given the situation, panicked immediately. Some of Heather’s sorority sisters thought they might have spotted Conrad running out of the side entrance of the bar, but none could say for sure.

Despite having only met that night, Heather remains incredibly distraught over Conrad’s disappearance. She felt like they had “really connected” and that “he wasn’t like other guys.”

Some of Conrad’s fraternity brothers were also in attendance, but they did not have much to say about the ordeal.

“Uh, yeah man. Crazy. Heather should probably delete his number since he’s probably gone or whatever,” said one, who chose to have his name redacted. “No comment,” said another. “He’s probably, like, at one of our apartments playing Fifa r- er, I mean he’s dead. Dead as hell. Sorry.”

A candlelight vigil will be held for brother Conrad at the end of this week. BYOB.

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shitto is a fifth sixth year and lifetime underachiever. He spends his time posting drivel online, waiting to be consumed by overwhelming apathy. The only thing of value he has ever given the world is a collection of old tweets. He's been called a "jealous hater" and an "idiot."

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