The 69 Best TFMs Of 2015

Email this to a friend

Nice Move


  1. Knowing a pledge’s mom’s name, but not his. TFM.
  2. Having the answers to the ethics final. TFM.
  3. Waking up and checking your phone to see if you did anything noteworthy. TFM.
  4. Jordan Spieth having both a receding hairline and a green jacket by the age of 21. TFM.
  5. UPS requiring their drivers to wear shorts with a 5-inch inseam. TFM.
  6. Dale and Brennan wrecking their dad’s boat then demanding a check for $10,000. TFM.
  7. Johnny Manziel not taking his career as a professional quarterback as seriously as he probably should. TFM.
  8. Only wearing jerseys of controversial athletes. TFM.
  9. “That’s what I love about these freshmen girls. I get older, they stay the same age.” TFM.
  10. Turning France’s most prominent monument into an obscene sex position. TFM.
  11. Saying “I’m gonna wing it” in reference to something you definitely should not wing. TFM.
  12. “She wasn’t the prettiest, but I wasn’t the soberest.” TFM.
  13. Trump calling Lindsey Graham a “total lightweight” and saying Rick Perry only wears glasses to look smart. TFM.
  14. Trying to explain the concept of a dad body to your mom at 19 years old. TFM.
  15. Telling liberals that you feel oppressed just to make them list all the ways that you’re privileged. TFM.
  16. Suddenly possessing a law degree while being questioned by university police. TFM.
  17. “Good guy, bit of an asshole.” TFM.
  18. Handling breakups a little too well. TFM.
  19. Answering the door wearing a cop outfit and telling the officer you have the situation under control. TFM.
  20. Being the exception to her rule. TFM.
  21. It being the pledges’ fault since 1890. TFM.
  22. Donald Duck wearing a sailor hat, a blazer, a bow tie, and no pants. TFM.
  23. Happy Gilmore asking for a jumbo sized check for a last place finish. TFM.
  24. Breaking up with your girlfriend while wearing a toga. TFM.
  25. Claiming to be a “second-half team” after bombing your midterms. TFM.
  26. Jordan Belfort asking Naomi if she’s ever been on a jet ski in front of her boyfriend. TFM.
  27. Lamar Odom being the first guy in history to have drugs and hookers save his marriage. TFM.
  28. Defending the pledges in a bar brawl, hazing them after it. TFM.
  29. Billy Madison putting Rolexes in the piñata celebrating his first grade graduation. TFM.
  30. The Little League World Series rigging the bracket so an American team has to be in the final. TFM.
  31. Being a staunch supporter of a president whose term you weren’t alive for. TFM.
  32. People coming to you when they need to borrow a Hawaiian shirt. TFM.
  33. Perpetually being either “too sober for this shit” or “too drunk for this shit.” TFM.
  34. Having 99 problems that the pledges need to solve. TFM.
  35. Your chapter dressing the same way it did 40 years ago. TFM.
  36. A bunch of Americans celebrating an Irish holiday in Mexico. TFM.
  37. Eric Cartman keeping South Park hippie-free since the age of 5. TFM.
  38. Not having anything to protest about. TFM.
  39. Finding Straight Outta Compton relatable despite your suburban upbringing. TFM.
  40. Being a proud member of “the worst fucking pledge class ever.” TFM.
  41. Pleading the 5th while holding one. TFM.
  42. Thomas Jefferson getting into politics to lower taxes and make whiskey cheaper. TFM.
  43. Referring to the fraternity on campus that doesn’t haze as a sorority. TFM.
  44. “No, I actually planned on getting that drunk.” TFM.
  45. Slightly adjusting your Tinder age range during Parents Weekend. TFM.
  46. Forrest Gump telling his college stories to strangers whether they want to hear them or not. TFM.
  47. Your class attendance percentage being similar to a respectable batting average. TFM.
  48. Only wearing cargos when they are camouflage and government issued. TFM.
  49. Never knowing how honest to be when the doctor asks about your use of alcohol and tobacco products. TFM.
  50. Asking the referee what the mercy rule is during the coin toss. TFM.
  51. Immediately disregarding everything someone is telling you because they’re wearing cargo shorts. TFM.
  52. Giving out “pledge points” for good behavior that have no redeemable value. TFM.
  53. Beating Germany in wars and sports. TFM.
  54. Flagging all tweets about Hillary announcing her presidential campaign as “harmful content.” TFM.
  55. Wearing the same blazer to court that you were arrested in. TFM.
  56. Asking campus police when the actual cops are going to show up. TFM.
  57. John Hancock starting a tradition in 1776 by providing no substantial contribution to the group project, but signing his name the largest anyway. TFM.
  58. Referring to foreign students by their country of origin. TFM.
  59. JFK stocking up on cigars before enacting the Cuban embargo. TFM.
  60. “Oh, and pay your fucking dues.” TFM.
  61. Pointing out to judicial affairs that the Marine Corps has been hazing for 240 years and it seems to be working out pretty well for them. TFM.
  62. Knowing there are two open bathrooms, but pissing off the balcony instead. TFM.
  63. That one girl who went totally off the deep end after dating you. TFM.
  64. Never having participated in a protest on campus. TFM.
  65. The Masters’ championship trophy being a blazer. TFM.
  66. America stealing the name of the most popular sport in the world to create a sport only they play. TFM.
  67. Jeb Bush only having a chance because he is a legacy. TFM.
  68. Never going through a skater phase. TFM.
  69. Showing up to a family gathering wearing the exact same outfit as your grandfather. TFM.


You must be logged in to comment. Log in or create an account.

Click to Read Comments (28)