The Ultimate DNC Drinking Game

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After languishing through the debacle that was night one of the Democratic National Convention, still hungover (both literally and figuratively) from the brigade of Trump children at last week’s RNC, I realized only a bottle of Knob Creek could dull my senses enough to make it through the Sanders-A-Palooza.

With that in mind and the unavoidable realization that our nation’s political system has spiraled out of control faster than Johnny Football’s career, I came up with this drinking game to guarantee by the end of the night you won’t be able to pronounce Benghazi.

One Shot:

• Every time a speaker adds the “Q” at the end of LGBT.
• If you don’t know what is meant by “Q.”
• Obama is referred to as solely “Barack.”
• A speaker directly claims the Democrats are “better off” due to Bernie Sanders.
• A Trump hair joke.
• A Melania plagiarism reference.
• A multi-millionaire mentions “income inequality.”
• “The upper one percent” (have a puke bucket, and perhaps 911, at the ready).

Two Shots:

• A Bernie chant erupts.
• Sean Hannity compliments a Democrat.
• Someone refers to Bill Clinton as “Hillary’s husband.”
• Elizabeth Warren’s physical appearance startles you.
• Startles your pet or significant other.
• A sign is shown in the crowd suggesting Debbie Wasserman Schultz be arrested.
• A Democrat mentions the second amendment.
• Bill O’Reilly smiles.

Three Shots:

• Hillary and Bill kiss on the lips.
• Barack Obama refers to himself in the third person. “Obama.”
• “Lock her up” is audibly heard from the crowd.
• Trump is sincerely complimented.

Five Shots:

• Hillary is not wearing a pantsuit.
• Bill Clinton is pictured with a cigar.
• An attractive woman is seen in the crowd.
• A Bernie protestor somewhat resembles a successful human being.
• A Bernie Protestor has a full-time job.

Ten Shots:

• Any candidate in the democratic primary not named Bernie or Hillary is mentioned.
• Jim Webb is allowed to speak.
• Lincoln Chafee is allowed on camera.
• It’s mentioned the Clintons attended Trump’s wedding.
• The word Benghazi is uttered by anyone in attendance.

Twenty-Five Shots:

• Bernie Sanders becomes the nominee.

Follow this blueprint tonight, and maybe you’ll be able to forget, at least temporarily, the reality of the “choice” we all face this November.

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