Columns

The Ultimate Spring Break Drinking Game

Here's Why PCB Should Still Be Your Top Spring Break Destination

Take A Drink When…

  • “Spring break!” is shouted out loud.
  • Someone hits the dab.
  • You see a hairy dude wearing a one-piece “Borat” man thong.
  • Exposed boobies. Take an additional gulp per centimeter of the diameter of the areolas.
  • A white person with dreads and a backpack appears.
  • You see a flag with your school’s mascot/logo.
  • A guido shoves someone and tells his boys to “Hold me back, bruh!”
  • You see a girl wearing a flat-bill hat that says “SQUAD.”
  • A rando tries to sell you a t-shirt with a stupid-ass logo like “Drunkmillionare” (one word).
  • You see a fat man belly flop.
  • Hard drugs are consumed in public.
  • You see a chunky girl with a pack of smokes tucked into her bikini strap.
  • You see a girl with a shoulder tat of birds flying.
  • Someone takes a body shot.
  • Two girls make out.
  • A shot is consumed via boat shoe.
  • You see a fanny pack with the word “PARTY.”
  • Shutter shades.
  • Twerking.
  • Dude hands you a flyer for his DJ set later that night.
  • People start dancing on an elevated surface.
  • You spot a nipple ring.

Sporting TFM at spring break. TFM.

Chug When…

  • People dancing on aforementioned elevated surface fall.
  • You spot a nipple ring (on a dude).
  • Exposed vagina.
  • A girl swears she doesn’t usually do this.
  • Your crew’s Creepy Greg asks a girl if she wants to earn some more beads.
  • Your crew’s Mongo says, “Where the titties at!?” (Note: don’t let either Creepy Greg or Mongo play the game).
  • You catch a glimpse of an OTPHJ or fingering on the dance floor.
  • A guy shows off his ass tat of a cartoon character (bonus chug if he shows his package).
  • Someone voms in the pool.
  • A local asks if you want some of that “white girl.”
  • Someone drops the hypothetical “I’m never letting my daughter go on spring break.”
  • The bartender gets pissed and tells people to “back the fuck up.”
  • Creepy non-student asks a girl if she wants to grab a drink at his place nearby.
  • Hot girl makes it clear that she wants nothing to do with anyone else.
  • Two (or more) people walk into the port-a-potty together.

Spring Break is deer season in Panama City.

Finish Your Drink When…

  • Two people don’t even bother to walk into the port-a-potty together.
  • The cops come.

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Alex Buscemi

AKA Boosh. Former high school back-up wide receiver. Author of two pretty successful Reddit comments. Recent grad from the University of South Carolina.

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