The University Of Missouri Now Offers A Course About Sibling Incest

Email this to a friend

Nice Move

So I guess not everything about moving to the SEC is great.

A public university plans to offer a course this spring on “sibling incest in theory and literature,” Campus Reform learned on Tuesday.

According to the University of Missouri’s official description, the class will “examine the deployment of erotic desire, love, and sympathy as political, economic, and textual strategies, and analyze the gender dynamics involved in such deployment.”

The class is offered under Women’s Studies, as well as German, which seems odd, though I suppose you can’t talk about extreme sexual depravity without including the Germans. I have a feeling that this class is going to be filled with the most repulsive, awkward GDIs on campus.

Why? Not even because it’s a Women’s Studies course, but rather because there is no way any normal human being with siblings can sit through talking about brothers and sisters banging for three hours a week all semester without eventually cringing so hard they turn themselves inside out. The moment the professor says, “Now consider your own brother or sister,” would be the moment I dry heave, leap out of my desk, light my book on fire, and sprint to a strip club to wash away the shame with better, socially acceptable shame.

“DANCE FOR ME CANDY! DANCE UNTIL I FORGET!”

I’m assuming the professor who dreamt up this course, Stefani Engelstein, has a pretty free reign, and admittedly there is probably enough weird sibling incest stuff in the world of literature to (un)comfortably fill a semester long course. But still, why? WHY? What do you actually learn from this course? “Don’t take everything at face value kids, you never know when someone is fucking their sister?”

I took enough writing classes in college to know that most of the time, people in classes like these, students and professors alike, go looking for things that aren’t there, and they try so, SO hard to say that those things are in fact there. That’s because to them, simply understanding a book doesn’t make you smart, out-understanding everyone else is what REALLY makes you smart.

Or, to be more illustrative, it’s like this:

This is an actual conversation I once had with my screenwriting professor while at Mizzou. At the time the course was offered through the theater department, so you can imagine the type…

___

Professor: One thing I noticed, is that I think your two main characters might be gay.

Me: They’re not.

Professor: Well they spend a lot of time together in the story…

Me: Because they’re friends.

Professor: They seem very close.

Me: They’re friends.

Professor: And at one point one of them tells the other one to “blow me.”

(*Sighs*)

Me: That’s…it’s a saying. They’re not gay.

Professor: How do you know?

Me: …Because I wrote it.

___

But really, if you want to get an easy A in a writing or literature class, just say everyone is gay, and if you’re writing something, make it either a really funny or really sad story about being gay. That’s why my final screenplay for that class, Two Gay Clowns Get Married On 9/11, was a runaway A. It’s about two gay clowns who finally get to have their wedding after years of being denied their right to marriage, but they have it on the morning of September 11th, 2001, on the roof of the south tower, in full makeup. There’s a hilariously heartbreaking scene where one of the clowns, Zonko, attempts to save his partner, Mr. Twinkers, by tying hundreds of helium balloons to him. Crazy clown hijinks ensue and Mr. Twinkers dies tragically. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and quite frankly, you’ll reflect. Production begins next spring. Now if my composer could just figure out the perfect balance of whacky sad trombone and mournful strings.

Anyway, this class seems embarrassing and relatively useless, though I’m sure the seven weirdos who signed up for it will have a blast. As a Mizzou alum, I’m just going to forget this exists, like Norfolk State.

[via CampusReform.org]

h/t to @TimPDion

***


Email this to a friend

Nice Move

Bacon

Bacon is Director of Video Content and a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. His fake best-selling novel series, The Frat Romance Novel, has been self-described as a "pioneering achievement in satirical erotica." Bacon is originally from St. Louis, and currently lives in Austin, Texas. He still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living, and is prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co

More From Bacon »

Trending Now

Comments

You must be logged in to comment. Log in or create an account.

  1. 4
    Lil B

    LIL B THINKS HE IS READY TO WRITE A TFM NEWS ARTICLE WILL THE MYTH WRITE AN ARTICLE WILL IT EVEN GET POSTED? – Lil B

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 0
      ice cold frat

      Also,
      “‘Don’t take everything at face value kids, you never know when someone is fucking their sister?’

      I took enough writing classes in college…”

      I normally wouldn’t be one to throw grammatical stones in this situation, but that error followed by that sentence was humorous.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 0
      ice cold frat

      ‘Someone’ is singular and ‘their’ is plural. The sentence would correctly read as, “Don’t take everything at face value kids, you never know when someone is fucking his/her sister?”

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 0
      Bacon

      “Singular they is the use of they (or its inflected forms, such as them or their) to refer to an entity that is not plural, or not necessarily plural. Though singular they is widespread in everyday English and has a long history of usage, debate continues about its acceptability.”

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Singular_they

      It’s fine.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 0
      grandfrat

      Ah except that’s incorrect. “Someone” is an indefinite pronoun. It can be singular or plural depending on the verb-tense agreement. But nice try, and thanks for playing. If you don’t believe me, use your “google machine” that is of course after you’re done running laps. Not for nutin’ but MIZZOU is one of the premiere Journalism schools, in the WORLD. #realtalk #thatjusthappened

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 0
      ice cold frat

      ^^ As for the ‘argument’ aspect, I’m not necessarily insulting Bacon for his conservatively incorrect usage of pronouns. Much like subjunctive past, the incorrect usage of their, they, and them has become so common that it is acceptable in common English. However, also like subjunctive past, someone with as much writing and English instruction/experience as Bacon should recognize and cringe at that sort of usage. It’s simply poor style.

      And yes, if you’re wondering, I gobble on cock on a daily basis.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 0
      Bacon

      I’ll simply counter by saying that in blog form, such as TFM News, which is probably overly scrutinized because we gave it the moniker “news,” common English is perfectly acceptable. It’s an informal media.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 0
      ice cold frat

      ^ I agree with you, which is why I prefaced my argument saying I normally wouldn’t mention a style choice like that on TFM. However, grandfrat, you are simply wrong on indefinite pronoun usage. While someone can take refer to multiple unspecified beings, it will still take singular verbs and pronouns following. Bacon is correct using the modern pseudo-singular ‘they’.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 0
      Bacon

      This is literally the most civil discourse to have ever occurred on this site. It doesn’t feel right. Someone tell someone to suck a cock or die in a car fire, quick!

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • -1
      grandfrat

      Bacon that was hilarious, great job. As for Icecold, you might wanna sit these next couple of rounds out and reevaluate your life in whole. I literally read your “argument” all of 3 times, and I still don’t see what you are talking about.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  2. -1
    Dalton_

    I figured everyone in Missouri already knew all about incest. Don’t they teach that shit to them in elementary school?

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago