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The University Of Wisconsin Just Torched The University Of Minnesota With A Pokémon GO-Themed Beatdown

Only the University of Wisconsin (my alma mater) could make me care about something as pointless and inane as Pokémon GO. Don’t get me wrong; I was a huge fan of the Pokémon series growing up. Played and beat nearly every game, even the more obscure ones. The only reason I elect not to play Pokémon GO, the current most popular game in the world, is because it betrayed all those who gave its series initial success — fat people. They used to be able to fly from Cinnabar Island to Cerulean City on the flapping wings of a Pidgeot by pressing A with their Cheeto/lotion fingers. Now? They’re relegated to profusely sweating while slowly-but-surely walking a maximum of .10 miles down their street to MAYBE stumble across a Zubat. They’re no more trainers than that moron Fisherman who had 6 lvl. 27 Magikarps in his lineup. Fuck that. Like the obese Pokémon fans who are refusing to play GO, I will not stand for it.

But regardless of the medium through which it is portrayed, even if it is an anti-fat people video game, I’m always on board with a little “fuck the Gophers” tomfoolery.

A critical hit!

It’s super effective!

Sure, the rivalry might be getting a bit stale at this point, with the Gophers having not won a football against the Badgers since 2003, but kicking others while they’re down is as American as it gets. The Treaty of Versailles, dropping the A-bomb on Nagasaki, telling Osama he’s “got a little something” on his face after riddling his bearded cranium with bullets — nobody does it better than America.

Go Badge.

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a writer and content manager for Total Frat Move and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin. He has been called the "Patron Saint of Butt Stuff" despite never having engaged in sexual activity of any nature until he turned 21, which he is still convinced is the minimum age at which you can legally have sex.

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