Cubs President Theo Epstein Got Absolutely Wasted Last Night And Gave Incredible Interviews

Email this to a friend

Nice Move

theo epstein chicago cubs

When you play an integral part in helping a beloved MLB franchise break their 108-year World Series drought, you bet you’re going to party a bit. And that’s exactly what Cubs President Theo Epstein did last night after the Cubs pulled off a dramatic win in Game 7 of the World Series, beating the Indians 8-7 in extra innings. After the game, Epstein got absolutely wasted. And, as you’d expect at Game 7 of the Cubs-Indians World Series, there were cameras everywhere hoping to catch a glimpse of the front office exec. And he didn’t disappoint.

First was this dual interview with longtime Cubs fan Bill Murray.

Cubs win AND you’re partying with Bill Murray. This must be a dream, right? No? Real life? Holy Spiderman shits, Batman.

That was before Theo announced he was going on a bender (as if we didn’t already know that).

I’m not sure who Jed is or who he’s in charge of. My best guess is that’s what Theo calls himself right before he goes on a three week bender of bath salts and prostitutes. Kinda like shouting “Daddy’s home, bitch!” right before you jizz in her left eye.

Eventually, Theo stumbled his way to Fox 32’s cameras, where he was in tip-top form.

“Fuck you” is right, Theo. You’ve now reached Nick Saban levels of untouchable in Chicago. You could’ve whipped your dick out, punched a hooker in the face, and snorted a line off her unconscious ass while on local TV and you’d still get the key to the city in the morning.

Fuck the “Summer of Gronk.” It’s going to be the “Winter of Theo,” and I couldn’t be anymore excited.

Comments

You must be logged in to comment. Log in or create an account.

Click to Read Comments (15)