There Is Now A Motherfucking HOT TUB HAMMOCK And You Need It In Your Life

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What would make your dorm room, house party, chill sesh on the porch, or even your tailgate that much better? If you didn’t answer HOT TUB, then pull your head out of your ass. You need a hot tub in your life. You deserve one.

But hauling a full-size tub around campus is difficult, even with an army of faithful pledges. Squeezing one into an apartment or dorm can be just as hard. That’s why this hot tub hammock will change the game forever.

It’s called the Hydro Hammock, and now you can order your very own.

Just look at this bitch. It’s got fancy cloths and shit to keep the water trapped inside without leaking. Keeps it piping hot, too (as long as you buy the portable water heater).

Think about the last time you should’ve gotten laid but didn’t. What happened? You didn’t have a hot tub, that’s what happened. There’s just something about a hot tub that makes a woman’s loins froth. And now you can bring one wherever you go.

Imagine being on the beach at Spring Break. Oh, those guys have a pick up truck full of shitty, cold water? That’s cute. Guess what? You just dug a hole in the sand, whipped out your Hydro Hammock, and built a motherfucking hot tub on the beach. Every woman within a half-mile radius will be begging to hop in and marinate in your juices. Sorry ladies, I only got room for one more. Maybe two. Tops. This dip is gonna be intimate as fuck.

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“I haven’t cum this hard since the ’70s!”

Now you’re back on the quad. Middle of the day. Geeds are chucking frisbees and smoking hookah. The hunnies are walking to class in their sundresses. And there you are, lounging in a hot tub slung between two trees. You’re chilling so hard, not even that weirdo on the corner screaming about how everyone’s going to hell can kill your mellow.

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Naked MILFs on your front porch? Get used to it.

Later that night, the house party starts. Hey babe, you wanna go upstairs and see my aquarium? Nah, just kidding. Come take a dip in my motherfucking HOT TUB HAMMOCK. Didn’t bring a swimsuit? Even better.

This guy gets it.

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How did he pull a fine ass blonde like that? The hot tub hammock. Just look at him. He’s cumming right there.

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You deserve to cum like that. And you can. Just order a Hydro Hammock. Buy one. Cum more.

h/t Business Insider

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