There’s a “Taken 2″ and it Has a Trailer

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When will the Albanian sex trafficking industry learn? You do NOT fuck with Liam Neeson’s family. I call him Liam Neeson because I honest to God can’t even remember his name in the original Taken. I just know that his daughter called him dad and that he was too busy murdering Albanians to introduce himself to anyone.

Ever since I saw the original Taken I’ve thought that the pitch for that movie had to be one of the simplest, and greatest in history.

“Okay so we’ve got this idea. Liam Neeson is an ex government special agent who has to rampage through Europe trying to rescue his daughter from sex traffickers. But here’s the best part: he never loses a fight. In fact he never even comes close to losing a fight. He just flat out kicks the shit out of every single bad guy he comes across. There won’t be a single second of this film where you doubt Liam Neeson’s ability to win any given fight he’s in. It’s literally just going to be two hours of Liam Neeson raining violent death on greasy European criminals. Oh and we wrote a sweet ass monologue for him.”

And that is the movie they made, and it was glorious. So it only makes sense that they’d make another.

It’s pretty clear that this movie has the exact same plot as the first one, but I’m completely okay with that. I wasn’t exactly looking for a think piece. In fact I wouldn’t even care if there were dozens of blatant continuity errors. I just want to see Liam Neeson wreck worlds for a couple of hours. My favorite part of this trailer, by far, is that it appears Liam Neeson’s former bitch ex wife left her second husband and came running back to him after he exploded most of France to rescue their daughter. Goddamn right she did. He’s Liam Fucking Neeson from Taken (seriously I don’t know his character’s name).

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Bacon

Bacon is Director of Video Content and a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. His fake best-selling novel series, The Frat Romance Novel, has been self-described as a "pioneering achievement in satirical erotica." Bacon is originally from St. Louis, and currently lives in Austin, Texas. He still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living, and is prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co

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  1. 0
    Dave_Fratthews

    “There literally won’t be one second in this film where you aren’t 100% certain that Liam Neeson won’t win any given fight that he’s in”

    One too many negatives, chief. You’re implying we will always believe Neeson is gonna lose. And that simply is not the case. ‘Cause it’s Liam Fuckin’ Neeson.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  2. 0
    SK0194

    Of course no one knows Liam Neeson’s in the Taken movies. Except Walker Texas Ranger (a tv show), does anybody remember Chuck Norris’s name ANY of his movies?

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  3. 0
    FS2012

    Notice how his name isnt said in the trailer either. I don;t think his character has a name. Its unnecessary.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago

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