There’s An Impending Whiskey Shortage, And It’s Serious

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I’ve never been one of those “doom and gloom” types, but even this scared the shit out of me. We’re on the verge of a real crisis here, guys. There’s going to be a shortage of whiskey, and it could be more serious than you think.

Over the past 10 years, whiskey of all varieties has gained exponential popularity. What was once a niche drink has now become one of the most popular beverages to order at the bar or to have in the liquor cabinet. Why not? Whiskeys are, and always have been, my liquor of choice; just as they’re my favorite spirit to sip on, they’re quickly becoming everyone’s favorite.

Now, I’m no economist, but it seems to me that we have a simple case of supply and demand here. Distilleries can only put out so much whiskey. Even though they have tried to increase their output to match the ever rising demand for their products, the good folks who make the stuff we love just can’t keep up. As a result, prices have gone up–especially for the good stuff.

Industry insiders say that many of the bigger companies out there are going to try to step up production, but who knows how that’ll turn out. My advice to you, first and foremost, is to start drinking heavily. Sorry, just had to get that out there. But seriously, you need to start stocking up.

While some might say you should try newer, younger whiskey, I say fuck that. Leave that garbage to those who are too foolish to take my advice. Start hoarding and start hoarding now. You don’t want to be left high and dry–there’s no reason why you can’t start your own personal stockpile. Sure, it’ll cost you some money, but I guarantee it’ll pay off in the long run. Besides, it sure as hell beats drinking vodka.

Remember, people: failing to prepare is preparing to fail.

[via Esquire]

BlutarskyTFM (@BlutoGrandex) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems, the self-appointed Senior Military Analyst for TFM News, founder of the #YesAllMenWhoWearHawaiianShirts Movement, and, on an unrelated note, a huge fan of buffets. While by no means an athletic man, he was the four-square champion of his elementary school in 1997. When not writing poorly organized columns or cracking stupid, inappropriate jokes on Twitter, Bluto pretends to be well-read, finds excuses not to exercise, and actually has a real job.

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