Thieves Steal Fraternity’s Live Chicken And Eat It

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Thieves Steal Fraternity's Live Chicken And Eat It

You won’t believe the restraint required for me not to title this “Thieves Steal Fraternity’s Chicken And You Won’t BELIEVE What They Did To It.” You’re welcome. Anyway, this story is pretty cut and dry. Alpha Gamma Rho at the University of Vermont, a self-described “agricultural fraternity,” reported on Sunday that someone stole one of its chickens. Yes, that’s chickens, plural. Apparently the organization has, like, six of them and members harvest their eggs because like we said, they’re an “agricultural fraternity.”

Anyway, through what has to be one of the finest examples of police work, the cops actually tracked down the three suspects and arrested them. I don’t know if they found fingerprints or if there was some convenient sperm at the scene, but they were traced to a residence hall, where they apparently had eaten the pilfered chicken. The most hilarious part of this has to be the final line of the story, which reads, “Police did not initially indicate if the students cooked the chicken before eating it,” followed by this:

Update 1:53 p.m. UVM Police Services Deputy Chief Tim Bilodeau said in an email that “Yes, they [the three suspects] indicated they cooked it.”

Thank God for that. They may be thieves, but no one deserves salmonella. There are no indications at this point as to the motive of the culprits. We can only speculate that it was either fueled by revenge or perhaps simply KFC was too far away.

[via VPR]

Image via Vermont AGR

Sterling Cooper is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems. He has never understood why people like sand, and has been in a bitter ten year rivalry with Muggsy Bogues, for reasons neither of them choose to reveal.

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