This Giant Scrotum Mascot Will Haunt Your Nightmares

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Nice Move

Somewhere, someone made this with their own hands.

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I have so many thoughts about this testicular cancer mascot from Brazil, dubbed Senhor Testiculo, or “Mr. Balls” in English. Here they are, in no particular order of importance:

– This may be the greatest thing you could ever make a pledge wear around campus.

– What are the pubes made of? Did the artist (yes, artist) who created this mascot receive notes like, “Too many pubes,” “Not enough pubes,” or “Is there a rougher sort of twine or yarn you could make the pubes out of, because your pubes are too soft.” Surely he did.

– How jealous is Jeff Dunham that he didn’t think of this thing first?

– Jeff Dunham should fall into a wood chipper. Scrotum first.

– This may be the greatest thing you could ever wear to freak someone out when they’re tripping balls. The humor would be so layered, because they’d be tripping balls, and you’d be dressed as balls. Layered.

– Senhor Testiculo and Mr. Balls sound like something straight out of Arrested Development.

– This scrotum has a pubic Jheri curl mullet, which seems weird, but I’m at a loss for suggestions as to what sort of haircut would look more natural on a giant scrotum.

– The teeth are what really take this thing over the top in terms of creepiness. He only has two, which makes it look like a backwoods hillbilly scrotum. Or an overgrown toddler scrotum. Or a mentally slow scrotum. I don’t even know. All I do know is that those teeth add nothing positive.

– If I was an 11-year-old and saw this thing, I’d be terrified of puberty.

– This thing is already in my Top 5 “Things That I’d Be Terrified To Have Attack Me” power rankings.

1) Giant spiders/Australian spiders
2) Clowns, especially naked clowns
3) Mr. Balls, the giant sentient scrotum. Especially if wielding an axe.
4) Rebecca Martinson (I’d be turned on too, but my God that death would be painful. Either way, I don’t want to leave this Earth like a male praying mantis.)
5) Ralph Fiennes in Red Dragon. “Do you see?

– Why aren’t the eyebrows pubes?

– What/who was the artist using as a model? Was he just googling scrotes all day? Looking at his own in the mirror? Did he pay a guy to stand there free balling for hours on end?

– And seriously, will someone with the resources buy or steal this thing and make pledges wear it around campus? This must happen.

[via The Huffington Post]

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