Here we go again. Another reader thinks his dick is too big for his Chubbies and wants us all to collectively measure it and agree with him. Per his email, this beer toss-and-catch and subsequent shotgun took place at 90 miles per hour. Read it:
Sup Dorn and the rest of TFM,
My brothers and I, like the modest gentlemen that we are, have yet to publicize this video until now. We’ve seen the posts of the several beer hand-offs on the TFM Instagram account and those are… cute. We wanted to just show you little boys out there how real men play – completing the beer toss at 90mph and then of course, proceeding to shotgun it OJ Simpson style. Enjoy.
And here’s the video:
Okay, let’s dissect both the email and the ridiculous video. First of all, it’s plain to see you guys were traveling nowhere near 90 mph. Judging by the force of the wind in your faces, the way the beer can left the thrower’s hand, and the fact that if you look closely enough, you can actually spot two snails fucking on the side of the road, I’m going to throw out a fair estimate of about 45 mph. 50 tops. And look at the dude sticking his stupid face out of the sunroof. His sunglasses would be toast at any speed over 60. You’re a liar, dude.
Secondly, how many takes did you guys need to nail this one? 15 takes? 30? A thousand fucking takes!? On top of all that, what a weak ass shotgun. Amateur status. It’s cute that Dad let you borrow his whip for this one, too. Let me know when you guys accomplish something that’s actually impressive.
I remember my first beer snag and shotgun at 45 mph.
Finally, help me understand your OJ Simpson reference. I don’t get it. Is he some kind of world renowned beer shotgunner or something? Did I miss that somehow? Is he the world’s foremost homicidal shotgun king? Or do you think he committed his double murder with a shotgun? Help me get it, dude. OJ used a knife and nearly cut those poor people’s heads off.