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Timeline Of A Booty Call, And How To Execute It Properly

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It’s getting late at the local watering hole. You’ve been drinking with your boys all day, so, naturally, you’re pretty trashed, but not trashed enough to give up on your quest to smash genitals with a fine female. If you’re being honest, you’re always in a pre-coitus state of mind, but the prospects in the bar just aren’t delivering. When your in-person game isn’t producing its market share, it’s time to hit up your for phone for a little return-on-investment. This means scrolling a long list of uncertain and ambiguous contacts for a late-night booty call. But before you hit send on that hot text, you better consider a few variables to make sure you meet your end game.

One of the most defining aspects of the sex text is the time of night at which you are requesting a romp. Too early, and the girl on the other end of your “you up?” inquiry is going to think accepting seems way too desperate. Hitting her with a paragraph two hours before dawn, however, is going to seem like you’re trying way too hard. Context is everything, and the same text can be interpreted a myriad different ways depending on when it’s received. Fortunately for you, the longer the night goes on the less you need to say. It’s just a rule of science. Let’s explore.

09:00pm – 12:00am

If you’re hanging your hat on a hookup this early in the night based on cellular communication alone, you either better have spent the night with this girl previously or have a damn good excuse for seeing her so soon. Most girls are still in the final stages of getting ready to go out at this point, which means they’re going to want to show off their work and get wild out on the town. Essentially asking her to come stay over now means depriving her of being seen at the bar, and that you’re going to deliver sex good enough to make it worth it. Which you cannot. It also means you’ve thrown in the towel for the night on getting someone else, which is just quitting early. Much like you do during sex. Don’t take this gamble and give it some time instead.

12:00am – 02:00am

Now you’re starting to enter the wheelhouse. Having a history is no longer a prerequisite. You can show up at her place knowing you had put in a good effort. It’s still fairly early, so you’re probably going to have to get through a little conversation first, but at this point girls should be aware of what’s happening. Having a reason to meet up reassures her that she’s not being too desperate. Maybe you got a new fish tank she needs to see. Or you heard her sorority house is haunted and you want to check it out. Maybe even you just found a new movie on Netflix that you think she’d love it. Whatever it takes to get time alone without facing the obvious.

02:00am – 04:00am

If the drunken text hookup had a sweet spot, this is it. You don’t even have to mask your intentions during this time. You know what you’re doing, she knows what you’re doing, even your friend Julian knows what you’re doing. You can lead off with a “fill-in-the-blank and chill?” and no one bats an eye. This is when you scatter the net wide, pulling in contacts from girls you barely remember. Sure, you may question your morals tomorrow morning but tonight the bar is closing and you’re looking to fill a meat locker faster than a wild game processor. If you’ve put in enough work during the pre-season then you shouldn’t have to sweat the primetime. Enjoy the ease.

04:00am – ???

At this point, you could just get away with texting an eggplant emoji. She’s done with playing any games for the night, and you both need the action, so being direct is your best bet. If you get a response, congratulations. If not, maybe you should consider getting some sleep for your own sake. Not every night can be a winner.

Remember, context and timing is everything. It can take a subtle hand to holster the hookup. Just don’t ever call.

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