Top TFMs of 2013

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50. Bama hazing the independent. TFM.

49. Letting stimulants and depressants battle it out in your system. TFM.

48. Sober you being very impressed with some of the things blacked out you is able to accomplish. TFM.

47. Started in the basement and we’re still here. TPM.

46. Your definition of “having a few” being the medical definition of binge drinking. TFM.

45. Breaking up with a girl via text. NF. Breaking up with a girl via pledge. TFM.

44. Not having to make up a girlfriend. TFM.

43. The national belief that when someone is the best at something in America, they are automatically the best in the world. TFM.

42. Taking a girl to Starbucks the next morning just to figure out her name. TFM.

41. The extremely heavy reliance on autocorrect Thursday through Saturday. TFM.

40. Americans openly mocking and egging on North Korea and its supposed nuclear capabilities on every social network. TFM.

39. The instant asshole mood switch when you realize it’s not going to happen. TFM.

38. Inviting her to “come over and study” during syllabus week. TFM.

37. That tingling sensation you get when you hear we caught a terrorist. TFM.

36. Tits are like grades. I just need a C to be happy. TFM.

35. Having a good father, but thanking God for all of the bad ones out there. TFM.

34. Still not knowing what Pinterest is. TFM.

33. High-fiving her when she gets her period. TFM.

32. A simple untucking of the shirt being the difference between your business and party attire. TFM.

31. Dressing for the weather you want, not the weather you have. TFM.

30. America’s best sport being war. TFM.

29. The post-blackout account balance check. TFM.

28. “Dibs.” – Christopher Columbus, 1492. TFM.

27. Prince Charming being too drunk to remember what Cinderella looked like and having to use a shoe to identify her. TFM.

26. Helen Keller being blacked out her entire life. TFM.

25. Started from the top and I’m still here. TFM.

24. Ron Swanson considering any dog under 50 pounds to be a cat. TFM.

23. Bruce Almighty having the power to cure cancer and end world hunger, but choosing instead to make Jennifer Aniston’s tits bigger. TFM.

22. “He’s a nice guy when you get to know him” really meaning “he’s an asshole, but you’ll get used to him.” TFM.

21. Not allowing the cops to enter the house because they weren’t dressed in proper beach-themed attire. TFM.

20. No Pope, no rules. TFM.

19. America having two continents named after it. TFM.

18. “Whiskey” is “W” in the military alphabet. Tango Foxtrot Mike.

17. Telling the new pledges that one of them is an active posing as a mole just to mindfuck them. TFM.

16. “God created war so that Americans would learn geography.” -Mark Twain. TFM.

15. The Cardinals covering up all the windows while they initiate the new Pope. TFM.

14. Manti Te’o Pledge must hold an imaginary hand while walking on campus. TFM.

13. Realizing your moral compass must be solar-powered because it doesn’t work at night. TFM.

12. “There was a time in my life when I wasn’t likely to be found at a library, much less found one.” – G.W. Bush. TFM.

11. The guy that yelled, “Stand up for your country, asshole!” while the armed forces were on stage at the NFL Draft. TFM.

10. Changing your bracket because it’s too similar to Obama’s. TFM.

9. The 49ers performing better after a blackout. TFM.

8. Liquor before beer, you’re in the clear. Beer before liquor, you’re in the clear. TFM.

7. North Korea being so low on America’s list of priorities that we sent Dennis Rodman as our international diplomat. TFM.

6. Stating “Independence” when a British customs agent asks you if you have anything to declare. TFM.

5. Winnie the Pooh’s sole article of clothing being a polo, and never wearing pants. TFM.

4. Buzz Aldrin being the second man on the moon, but the first to piss himself on it. TFM.

3. Meteors joining the fight against communism. TFM.

2. If you watch the Harlem Shake backwards, it’s about a guy who rages longer than everyone else. TFM.

1. Relentlessly belittling a pledge for questioning a tradition that “every brother has always participated in,” but you actually made up on the spot. TFM.


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