Transylvania University Makes Fraternity Dorm Floor Bathrooms All Gender, Which Is Horrible News For Women

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According to a tipster, Transylvania University has made the bathrooms on fraternity dorm floors, and ONLY fraternity dorm floors, all gender accessible, by adding the above sign to the doors. Essentially this change was made because girls would have to leave fraternity floors to use the restroom during parties, and if they dared use the men’s rooms on the fraternity floors, they were often written up by the world’s least understanding RAs. Given the situation at Transylvania, this solution sort of makes sense, I guess. Now the girls can use the bathrooms without fear of getting in trouble, or the hassle of having to go to a different floor. Problem solved, albeit obnoxiously.

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The “all gender” signs were added at the behest of a few ultra PC college kids looking to change the world one 62% accurate drunken piss at a time. I don’t know how many bathrooms are on the fraternity dorm floors at Transylvania, but another viable solution might have been, in lieu of changing every bathroom, to instead designate one bathroom the women’s room during parties, or better yet, full time. Why shouldn’t every floor have a women’s room, regardless of who lives on the floor? My fraternity house had a women’s room, and it made sense to have one. I would guess that whichever bathroom is supposed to be the women’s room on those fraternity floors was annexed as a men’s room, because only men lived on the floor. Now, instead of simply correcting the misappropriation, one that the university caused initially, and then exacerbated by punishing students who fell victim to the school’s mistake, the university has overcorrected it, and that sucks. Not for the guys, mind you. Nothing will change for them. It sucks for the girls.

I simply have to ask those who pushed for this all gender option instead of simply designating a bathroom for women one simple question: Why? I mean, I get why why. Equality! Closing the gender gap! Not rigidly defining gender as male or female! HOORAY! I understand that there are feminists and LGBT’ers who believe an action like this is a step forward. Symbolically, it certainly could be considered one, I suppose. Back in reality, however, women, gender neutral, and trans persons lose. Badly.

Do you REALLY want to share a restroom with men? Does anyone? I don’t even want to share restrooms with dudes, and I’m just as bad as every other filthy, disgusting, toilet clogging, apathetically aiming man in the world. I don’t know, maybe I’m just pissing into the wind here. By the way, I used to think “pissing into the wind” was just an idiom, then one day I walked into a men’s bathroom and saw a guy gleefully laughing as he pissed into the hand drier’s jet of hot air. THIS IS YOUR PRIZE!

If you have any gender identity issues, just check “woman” when you have to use the bathroom. Man who identifies as woman? Go into the women’s room. Woman who identifies as male? Whatever, you were medically born a chick, use the women’s room. You might want to live life as a man, but I strongly suggest passing on the bathroom part. And if you’re just a plain Jane lady? The fuck is wrong with you!?!? Go into the bathroom that smells like flowers and has a sofa! You know some of your movement needs re-thinking when you have victories that involve winning access to a room that’s covered in pee and smells like a burrito morgue.

Not all men’s rooms are bad, but any that exist near where guys are getting drunk are toxic wastelands. They’re like a Mexico City dump the day after a rainstorm. When I’m out at the bars, the bottom of my shoes are probably less sanitary than a hospital dumpster. I have legitimately stood in over an inch of urine before. I’ve seen full toilet paper rolls soaked through yellow. My fraternity brothers once found a member passed out in one of our bathrooms, two feet off the toilet, pants around his ankles, laying in a pool of his own shit, piss, blood, vomit, and though we couldn’t discern them from the rest of the liquids, presumably his tears as well. Guys piss in the sink all the time. Guys piss in the trashcan all the time. After that one South Park episode came out, guys started crapping in the urinals now and then. There are no rules in men’s rooms. There is no logic that exists. And there is not an inch of clean space. THIS IS WHAT YOU’VE WON!

This is one case in which separate but equal is better. But you know what? It’s not even separate but equal, the ladies are separate and superior. And if any woman or advocate of all gender bathrooms across the board thinks that sharing bathrooms will tame the wild male pisser, think again. Our filth is an overwhelming force. An untamable beast. You have this beast caged, ladies. Do you really want to open the door and step inside with it? I’m writing this for the benefit of women, I swear. Choose your battles more wisely, because in this instance, your perceived victory is actually a loss. Stay away. Stay far away.

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