If You Have A Boyfriend, Try Not to Suck
I’d like to take a moment to address a serious, universal problem. Too many people change for the worse, the moment they officially acquire the elusive title, “girlfriend.” I had a serious boyfriend for three years, so I know some level of alteration is natural when you’re in a relationship, so don’t take this as...
Why Do We Keep Making The Same Mistake?
We all know that one boy who sleeps with everyone. I’m not talking about the typical fraternity gentleman, who enjoys a good time with his slampiece of the moment, because let’s be honest, that’s half the guys you know. This guy is much worse than that. He made his way through every room in your...
Your Five Most Regrettable Drunken Decisions, And Why They’re Not Really That Bad
5. Going Home With A Stranger Sure, it’s not exactly ideal to wake up next to someone you barely remember meeting — your reputation is fleeting with each additional notch on your bedpost, and I suppose there’s the whole morality issue if you care about that, but at the end of the day, a complete...
In Defense Of Terrible Drivers: 20 Reasons Operating A Motor Vehicle Might Not Be Your Forte
1. You view side view mirrors as accessories. You don’t need to use one when your car has a rear view mirror, windows, and a sensor to prevent you from hitting something. 2. It’s hard to focus on the road if you’re texting. 3. Speed limits are just suggestions, much like “suggested alcohol intake.” 4....
20 Thoughts Running Through Your Head During A Post-Shack Morning Cuddle Session
I honestly hate to cuddle. Whatever inherent female gene that tells most women to be clingy post-coitus never fully developed in me. You’d think that would mean I’d never have to get cozy with some guy after a sleepover, but alas, it does not. I’ve found that every guy I’ve shared a bed with, even...
10 Reasons Emily Thorne Gets a Bid
1. She has a great wardrobe Whether she’s dressing up for a formal party at the Grayson’s, or having dinner with her hot not-quite boyfriend/fiancé, Emily always looks great. Her dresses are absolutely perfect. She looks great in casual wear too, always rocking the great skinny jeans, heels, and blazer look. Even when she’s hashing...
A Case Study of Try Hards
The “Party Girl” Try-Hard There’s a fine line between “good time” and “I can’t deal with this girl anymore” and she snorted it. This girl is mediocre-looking and remarkably unremarkable in every way but one: she is an absolute shitshow. Every pledge class has a liability issue, but this girl is an intentional disaster. Why?...
How To (Pretend to) Prepare for Finals
Going into finals for the end of my junior year, I realized I have relaxed a lot since I was a freshman. Since then, I realized that even if you don’t over-prepare and over-stress, you’ll still do just fine. It’s a lot more fun, and there’s more wine. This is how you should be tackling...
Your Boyfriend’s Best Girl Friend: Friend or Foe?
Once upon a time, you were a little girl, and you dreamed up the perfect future husband. He was tall, rich, and handsome. He had dark hair, light eyes, a great sense of humor, and he really knew his way around a vagina. You imagined you’d happen upon one another on a run through the...
The 15 Worst Things About The Tanning Salon
There’s no use denying we all love to get the D — the Vitamin D, that is. I’m, of course, referring to tanning. Nothing is better than spending a day at the beach, or at the lake, or on a boat, or by the pool, soaking up rays while casually drinking with your besties. Unfortunately,...
THROWBACK THURSDAY – Coping With Summer Sisterhood Withdrawal: 6 Things You Actually DON’T Miss About Your Sorority
A long, miserable summer break away from your sorority sisters can feel like the aftermath of an ugly breakup. You know the feeling – it’s a bleak, depressing time-warp filled with uncontrollable withdrawals and loneliness. Suddenly you’re eating breakfast alone, going to the gym alone, and even watching the finale of Girls alone. It’s a...
10 Things You Won’t Stop Doing, Even Though They’re Bad For You
As standards is always present to remind us, there are negative consequences for all fun behaviors. I feel that the Surgeon General serves as the Standards Board to real life, trying to ruin all of our fun and put a damper on our everyday activities and indulgences. Although they’re frowned upon, there are some vices...
An Open Letter to Angelina Jolie
Dear Titless McGee, I hate you. Okay, I just had to get that off my chest, much like you had to take your natural boobs off of yours. No, I don’t hate you because of any latent jealousy issues. I don’t hate you because I think you’re a terrible actress. I don’t hate you for...
A Message From Your Standards Chair
Girls, In light of recent events, it’s clear that you need a refresher on what is and what is not appropriate behavior. First off, if one more person is arrested or hospitalized WE WILL LOSE OUR FUCKING HOUSE. Lose.Our.House. Did you read that? Say it out loud. Repeat it three times. Write it down. Tattoo...
25 Reasons My Boyfriend Should Break Up With Me
1. I forgot to use my anti-aging cream twice this week. 2. I invest more time in planning my wedding on Pinterest than I do in my actual relationship. 3. The BJs stopped as soon as I got the “girlfriend” title, officially. 4. I refuse to watch any type of sporting event, but you better...
Majors Colleges SHOULD Offer, But Won’t
I was literally the worst undergraduate student in the entire world. One time, I forgot to show up for a final because I was busy day drinking. Another time, I went to class a total of four times during a semester (all of which were for exams) because I had a boy lending me his...
10 Reasons Sophia Grace And Rosie Get Bids
If you’re doing recruitment right, you’ve been stalking out the “Class of 2017” Facebook groups since April, looking for prospects. I’m one step ahead of you. I have my sights set on some prime sorority candidates in the classes of 2025 and 2028. Sophia Grace and Rosie, two YouTube sensations from London are the most...
A Letter to My Future Husband: Please Still Marry Me
To My Hubby, First of all, thank you for marrying me. I’m pretty sure that my parents never thought this day would come. Between the addiction to Nordstrom, Sephora, and Total Wine, I know that my dad is really happy to be passing along the financial torch, as it were. I hope you have family...
What My Mother Taught Me
What would we do without our mothers? They taught us to cook dishes far more delicious than Easy Mac (as if that’s possible), they love us even when we’re unlovable, and they’re the even crazier versions of our fabulous selves. They reassure us that it’s totally fine to be borderline insane, because they’ll always adore...
WTF Happened At The Met Gala?
Once a year, anyone who’s anyone in the world of cinema and fashion gets together, drinks a fuck ton of champagne, and celebrates the fabulosity in the room while judging one another at the New York Metropolitan Museum of Art’s annual charity gala, better known as the Met Gala. It. Is. Everything. I generally live...
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