Having a Bitch. TSM.
We bitch and moan all the time because the boys we love are assholes. And for the most part, they are. But do we ever really have the right to utter the phrase “I don’t deserve this?” Alright, it’s true that for the guy you like you’re super sweet, and you bake him goodies, straighten...
Dear Santa…
Dear Santa, Before I present you my never-ending list of materialistic desires, I’d like to take this time to say thank you for making sure I’ve gotten everything on my list, and then some, for the past twenty one Christmases. You’re like, the ULTIMATE frat star. I mean, you sit around growing a gut and...
Pregnancy Scare, Don’t Care (Totally Care a Lot)
You’re never late. You’re never EVER late. How did this happen? You are so dumb. You are beyond dumb, and you are sooooo pregnant. Why the fuck did you think it was ok to not use protection. How how howwwww did this happen? You didn’t miss your birth control once! Well, maybe once. It’s actually...
25 More Things Fraternity Guys Should Know About Sorority Girls
A short while back, we published 50 Things Fraternity Guys Should Know About Sorority Girls. But the more guys I meet and interact with, the more it seems that the poor male species could really benefit from even more painfully explicit instructions on how to stop being completely idiotic. It seems, ladies, that we’re doomed...
The Ten Commandments of Srat
During the first week, God created heaven and earth and all the myriad creatures and Adam and Eve, and He saw that it was good. But He wanted better than “good,” so in all His infinite wisdom the All-mighty created Perfection: and He called it a Sorority. When the first Sratstar descended from Mount Psi-Nu,...
The 7 Types of Sluts
Naturally, when you don’t like a girl, the easiest thing to do is call her a slut. And chances are, you’re going to be right about your diagnosis of your nemesis. But really…this has a lot to do with the fact that most girls are sluts in one way or another. Of course there are...
30 Awkward Moments We Deal With While Shacking
1. The walk back to his place. How much further? Stop holding my hand. When did I become your girlfriend? So weird. 2. When he tells you to “wait here.” No, that’s fine. Don’t bother hiding the Lubriderm, drug paraphernalia, porn, or thong hanging on your wall. 3. His lofted bed and the 3 feet...
A Letter To My Nemesis
Dear Evil Bitch, I do not like you. I think you are a bitter, nasty, mean girl and I don’t know why. You aren’t ugly enough to be so bitter, and you aren’t pretty enough to be such a bitch. You are absolutely average in every sense of the word, and perhaps you know that....
Stride of…No, Walk of Shame. It’s a Walk of Shame.
You wake up Friday morning after a bender feeling like shit, duh. You grab your phone, look at the time (7:27) and sigh. You’re about to go back to sleep and probably skip class today (massive hangover is an acceptable reason to stay home, right?) until out of the corner of your eye you catch...
How to Survive Recruitment from the Other Side
Welcome babies! I hope the last semester has treated you well. Unfortunately, if it hasn’t already, shit is about to get serious. Yes ladies, I’m talking about recruitment. “What do you mean?” you might say. “Recruitment doesn’t even happen until September!” How wrong you are. Do you really think that we pulled that entire week...
Every Girl Needs a Gay
Everyone knows that sorostitutes and gay guys go together like GDIs and their right hands. Unless of course you’re a bottom-tier heffer, because the gays, while possessing a high tolerance for vodka and designer drugs, have a low tolerance for ugly. And why do we love them? They’re the perfect fusion of girlfriend meets asshole....
A Typical Evening Getting Ready: Why We’re Always Late
As it would appear, we begin thinking about getting ready for our nights out pretty early in the evening. By 6:00PM, the thought what are we doing tonight? has at least crossed my mind. Still, with all this time, I remain unable to make it out the door at a reasonable hour. Perhaps the illusion of...
Parting Words to a Bad Boyfriend
Dear Satan, Dear Life-Ruiner, Dear Asshole, Hey. This may come as a shock to you, as, in the past, I’ve willingly put up with all of your mind games, cruel words, and general douchebaggery, but I had a revelation. Not so much of a revelation, because I always knew, it just never mattered. It matters...
When Sorority Sisters Become Eskimo Sisters
I think it’s common knowledge, but in case anyone doesn’t know… Eskimo Brothers – (n.) two men who have engaged in intercourse with the same woman For the life of me, I’ll never understand it, but men, in many cases, really enjoy making Eskimo brothers out of people who were formally mere friends. If you’ve...
10 Beauty Products Every Girl Should Have
I don’t think I can remember a time where I didn’t love makeup. I’ve always loved experimenting with it, and watching my mom do her make-up when I was a kid. Whenever I’m missing my mom, I always bust out some Lancome because the smell reminds me of her. I got started with it at...
Are Date Nights A Thing Of The Past?
I was at the library today and overheard (ok, I was eavesdropping) a gentleman boasting about his “super chill” new girlfriend. He said, and I quote, “I never take her on dates, she just comes over.” ALERT THE MEDIA…Chivalry really is dead. Newsflash, buddy: no matter how cool she plays it, she’s definitely keeping tabs....
Top 5 Lies You Shouldn’t Fall For Twice
Perhaps I’m a cynic and wildly jaded. Feel free to disagree with everything I say and continue to naively believe every handsome “gentleman” who crosses your path, but I’ve known enough douchey boys to come to the conclusion that everything a guy ever says is a lie. Well, maybe not everything. When they tell you...
Stopping Kony. TSM.
“What are you in?” “Oh you’re in ***?” As Greeks we are constantly questioned about our sorority/fraternity, and judgmental looks aside we usually BS our way into making our beloved letters sound more than Mother Teresa worthy. But the occasional school vacation comes along and whilst on break one begins to remember there is life...
The First Post Grad Shack
It’s crystal clear, but also fuzzy, just like every other hungover morning. I hear a loud, unfamiliar beeping. A hairy arm reaches around me and slaps the siren of an alarm clock. Fuck. I look around, white walls with actual art instead of posters. There’s a hamper in the corner holding all of the dirty...
30 Disadvantages of Having Big Boobs
Cons 1. Your back always hurts. 2. Saying your back always hurts sounds like it’s just an excuse to bitch. 3. You look fat in a t-shirt. 4. You look slutty in a tank top. 5. When you see your A-cup bestie’s one-finger-to-cover nips, you start to get self-conscious. 6. Going bra-less is a luxury...
