Turns Out ISIS Is Trying To Ruin Porn For Us, Too

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ISIS is the worst group of people to plague the world in a long time. They kill, they pillage, and they make people live in fear. It turns out, in addition to the pillaging and terrorism, their other hobbies include a whole lot of porn. How much is a lot? Try 80% of their laptops.

From Elite Daily:

“An ex-chief of the Defense Intelligence Agency named Lieutenant General Michael Flynn says the films, graphic in nature, made the Islamic extremists accustomed to carrying out their brutal attacks.
Flynn, a supporter of Donald Trump in this year’s presidential election, wrote in his book on fighting the war against radical Salafism:

We looked a ruthless enemy in the eye — women and children, girls and boys, raped and exploited, the beheadings stored on a laptop next to pornography. At one point we actually had determined that the material on the laptops was up to 80 per cent pornography.

These sick, psychopathic enemies were not only unimaginably hideous, but also treacherous and torn. We had to work faster to outwit them if we wanted to beat them.”

I’m no prude. Occasionally watching three minutes of two to five people getting acquainted in a Biblical sense is all fine and dandy. However, when you have, as Lt. Gen. Flynn described it, “beheadings stored on a laptop next to pornography,” then you’re well past the healthy stage. You’re not even in the same ballpark at that point. Laptops store around 250 GB’s of data on average, which means that you’re sitting on 200 gigs of people doing the nasty. You have to be a real sicko to have that kind of appetite, and there’s a strong chance the beheading videos butter your muffin just as much as the porn.

It’s really not surprising that a militant group that has attempted to justify the slavery and rape of women would need that much porn on their hands. It’s probably really hard to score a date when your opening line is, “Hi, I’m a killer. How much do you cost, swine?,” and I’m almost positive shit like improperly operating an RPG doesn’t help either. I guess when your mom isn’t allowed to speak or show a little ankle in public, you’ll end up having zero morals regarding women.

These jerks need to get gone. The sooner they’re just a distant memory, the better. Making everyone who enjoys a quick “pump and go” look like psychos is just the newest crime on their laundry list of evil acts. If they end up ruining porn for the rest of us rational folks, you can bet the ensuing round of hellfire raining down on them will be the last.

Save the porn.

[via Elite Daily]

Image via Shutterstock

Karl Karlson is TFM's self-proclaimed cartoon expert and your best buddy. He resides in the mountains of NC where he wrestles black bears and attempts to grow a beard. Karl gave up liquor following an unfortunate incident involving tequila and a vacuum cleaner, but he isn't above a nice stout on the porch.

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