‘Twas The Night Before Finals

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As we guzzled down pitchers and fueled our fermented diet,
The geeds in the library sat in a cargo-laden quiet.
Fantasizing about grades and other misguided feats,
Their nosesand eyes twitching, they sat giddily in their seats.

“The test is tomorrow! Those Greeks don’t have a clue!
For three months we’ve studied as those hounds pounded booze!
We’ll sit here memorizing formulas until we can’t stand,
Then we’ll get a four point, and dare to shake to our hands!”

A mischievous grin grew on the face of a pledge sitting nearby,
He thought “I’d ratherchug Franzia than be a GDI.
While they sit there and slander, I’ll show them who’s started,”
So he pulled off his pants and in their faces, he farted.

The gas from his starfish caused gags and dry heaves
As the nerds collapsed in their chairs like arms out of a sleeve.
Defeated and dejected, the only words they could muster,
“I can’t believe one day we’ll be working for that freshman crop duster.”

And as the geeds hit the books and sorority girls napped,
The wisest men of them all toasted to their victory lap.
For life is too short to spend college days sober
Why graduate in four when there’s football in October?

So here’s to Christmas break and a month without class,
To test banks and “fish tanks” that get us a pass.
Cheers to the procrastinators, and cheers to the ambitious
Happy finals week to all, and good luck, you sons of witches.

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  1. 4
    ice cold frat

    Poor consistency with anapest meter gives you low marks on your technical development, but high marks in creativity delivers to you a solid B-

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  2. 2
    Pee Buttermore

    IVE BEEN CRUSHING CREATINE VYVANSE ADDERALL AND COCAINE AND MIXING IT TOGETHER FOR 6 DAYS STRAIGHT AND I JUST RAN OUT. WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME?

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  3. 0
    TrickleDown

    I’ve consumed enough stimulants in the past week to kill a horse. I can feel the energy pulsing through me. If I hadn’t wasted half of my drug-fueled high-focus binges on masturbation, I would have guaranteed the 4.0 by now.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  4. -1
    DixonMason

    !function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if(!d.getElementById(id)){js=d.createElement(s);js.id=id;js.src=”//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js”;fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs);}}(document,”script”,”twitter-wjs”);

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago

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