UCF ATO knowing what good PR is. TFM.
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I bet those girls do sex on the first date.
It wasn’t just cold on my first date with Alexandra Lemmins, but windy, too, and with a slight November mist that allowed me the opportunity to shelter her underneath my black and gold UCF umbrella as we walked from my car into Ristorante Salvintino’s.
She was a dime, this broad, the kind of girl whose figure even hidden beneath a thick North Face can’t help but elicit from men fantasies of midnight latex, nearly boiling wax, and piercing moans of ecstasy all night long. And so it was that as we walked into the restaurant to be greeted by the hostess, whose eyes betrayed at least a little lesbian longing for Alexandra, I was already fidgeting my swollen unit around under the pretense of a groinal itch.
Don’t, however, think that I was even for a second nervous or that I had the flutter in my voice which is so typical from men on first dates and which lesser women justify later on as “cute”. No, I was suave all right, and she knew it. I could see it during our conversation over tortelloni ricotta; it was the way her eyebrows twitched ever so slightly upwards towards the chandelier-lit ceiling as I shared with her my interest in the more subtle aspects of international laissez faire economics, as if she were pointing upwards towards the sexual Heavens where she desperately wanted me to take her.
And take her there, my friends, I certainly did.
We went back to her place, you see, after dinner. Her roommates were all out, having decided to go out to the On Tap Ladies’ Night, and Alexandra and myself had the place to ourselves. We settled for The Notebook and a bottle of wine, knowing that the movie was a front for more carnal activities, and by the time Gosling’s sweet little head was being rained on we were both naked in her bed, her with legs splayed ready to take me in and me with eyes wide like the Asians who built the first American railroad and were finally about to see their creation plunge into the moist darknesses of a new tunnel.
Only she had a stupid little white dog that came up and bit me in the balls before I could slide in and I had to go to the emergency room to get stitches and that’s why I’ll never do again do sex on the first date with a UCF girl.
And Bacon needs time to write the next chapter of the frat romance novel?
Im upset that I read that whole thing but that ending was worth it. This should be a weekly storyline.
I’ll bring my forum topic here: Did anyone else just think of Cartman running around yell Race War while watching Ferguson coverage?
Also, any good tweets about the riots last night?
“Whites win again! Whites win again!”
Middle left looks like she’s down for butt stuff.
They’re all hot yeah, but something condescending needs to be said about the middle right girl.
Fail. They should be wearing white.
Murky swamp water vagina. Yum