If Your School Doesn’t Have End Zone Cabanas Can You Even Be Considered An Elite College Football Program?

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Yes. Yes you can be. In fact, I think Nick Saban would personally burn these to the ground and have the entire Alabama football marketing team put down behind Bryant–Denny Stadium for tainting his precious field with this gimmicky seating concept. But that tiny man cracks maybe half a smile a year and hates anything that can cause the slightest amount of enjoyment other than winning games. So he’s clearly not the demographic for a strange idea like bringing a luxurious poolside cabana — minus the pool — to the gridiron.

However, for my alma mater and the Florida university “where tradition starts now,” it’s a perfect distraction from your offense being one of the most inept in the country despite having an “Oregon guy” at the helm. I mean look at these mofos.

All for the low, low price of $22,000, you and 11 of your closest friends get a perfect spot to drink away a season of McKenzie Milton interceptions and 15 second three-and-outs that give the Knights defense no chance to catch their breath. Where do I sign?

Forget football. Between this and the fucking beach we already have in Bright House Networks Stadium, I’m all in on just installing the missing water slides and turning this into a second Disney’s Typhoon Lagoon location.

Maybe we’d finally be able to fill the stadium if we targeted poor urban families who were just itching to slip on the water wings and pee on themselves in a lazy river.

Charge on.

Image via Twitter

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Dan Regester

Dan Regester @Dan_Regester is a Senior Writer and Content Manager for Grandex, Inc. Delco trash. UCF alum. Famous FIJI on Wikipedia. Bit of a gambling problem. Advocate of shipping the homeless to Mars. Email tips to

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